Saturday, August 27, 2011

Heroes of the Lokpal Protest

Why the Lokpal is becoming a JokePal?
Presenting to you, the Clowns of Lokpal
  1. Aridham Chaudhry gave a speech at the Ramlila Maidan

when self procliamed Management Gurus start supporting the lokpal, there is reason to worry.
FK: Why is he dressed up like a chick?

    2. Rahul Gandhi Distributed Samosas


वैसे थो आम आदमी के रोटी तक खा जाते है ...और फटने पे समोसे बात रहे हो सर्कार
FK: चन्न समोसों की मदद से देश को खरीदने निकला था हराम्ज्यादा..... है! (amitabh bachan style)

    3. Manoj Tiwari showed up


Dude Seriously!!! My guess is some one Tricked him into this saying it was a political rally of UP/Bihar. 
His only other credentials would be making songs like Seher ki tittli (www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ2AOgwi9sY)
FK: Next time Guddu Rangila Puhleeej


    4.  Om Puri the 155mm howitzer
so what if he was drunk, he spoke his heart out I was actually expecting a Bhencod/Madarchod somewhere in his rant none the less Lokpal or No Om puri proved why actors who come from a theatre background always excel

FK: 21 Cannon Salute for the below satement
  आधे से ज्यादा नेता अनपढ़, जाहिल और गावर है

Conclusion:
- The tainted Management Guru gave his Idiotic Management Gyan
- The politician tried to win hearts with cheap freebies
- The Singer sang (I was actually expecting Bappi Lahiri, he has an innate nack of making situational songs)
- The actor showcased his theatrics


SOme people refuse to stay out of the lime light, Presence of audience is always an opportunity for cheap/ free publicity and we seen it Live, minute by minute coverage.

The Lokpal Movement

One of our fluttering correspondants over Ramlila maidan, Delhi, couldnt stay too far from the action. Because he was a low grade,less informed kabootar he sent out an SOS to the the Nest(filmy kabootar HQ)  claiming a reality show was on in full swing in Delhi. It was only a veteran kabootar's intervention that helped us get to the bottom of this mass scale event.

Honestly I cant tell the difference, Uprooting corruption is a necessity and Anna's original intention with the lokpal gets a 2 wing salute from our fraternity but because we are the only secular, democratic, metropolitan, unbiased beings here's our debate:


If Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Lokpal_Bill#Background) is to be believed, the lokpal looks very promising. I want to begin by asking a fundamental question:
1.       To establish a central government anti-corruption institution called Lokpal, supported by Lokayukta at the state level.
2.       As in the case of the Supreme Court and Cabinet Secretariat, the Lokpal will be supervised by the Cabinet Secretary and the Election Commission. As a result, it will be completely independent of the government and free from ministerial influence in its investigations.

As a democracy We the citizen morons select fellow wealthy morons to govern us. Elections as always will always be selecting the lesser of two or more evils, Shouldn’t the lokpal be mandating Serious parameters for those who wish to contest elections. Sadly everyone flows with the media showcased propaganda and everyones out on the streets. With Due respect to the deceased the loss of close to 300 lives in 26/11 had hoards of people walking out for candle Light vigils and Peace marches all over. Where were these candle light vigils and Peace protests when women and children were massacred in Gujarat??? And the architect of annihilation (and I Do not make this statement in randomness. Feel free to Youtube seach any issue pertaining this for personal gratification) stands chief minister today basking in the glory of development. WOW! Did anyone say Sau chuhe maarke billi Haj ko Chali.
The candle light protests and peace Marches managed to get Manu Sharma, the murderer of Jessica Lall behind bars. BRAVO! Nothing followed to monitor the number of times Manu Sharma was out on parole Justice done??? Maybe or May not be. The point here is the judiciary must be empowered to tighten measures to overcome the loopholes that are easily manipulated.
Now if the Lokpal is to be followed Im not too sure lokpal will allow tackling issues like these cause ultimately people too are as naïve as their emotions, with a pinch of salt they allow things to happen and sink into a make belief world of righteousness. It is the Judiciary that must be empowered people can be as stupid as their fantasies and it is here that we will let it happen. The law of the land must be imposed with an Iron Fist and methods to speed up the process of bringing justice amended and upgraded. Matters of the judiciary in the hands of the lokpal which would only be accountable to the cabinet secretary and Election Commission might be catastrophic.


3.       Members will be appointed by judges, Indian Administrative Service officers with a clean record, private citizens and constitutional authorities through a transparent and participatory process.
4.       A selection committee will invite shortlisted candidates for interviews, video recordings of which will thereafter be made public.
Getting elected to the Lokpal committee would then be adding another competitive exam on the lines of UPSC and MPSC. Instead if the Election Commission and the Supreme Court can Mandate the pre-requisites for an individual wanting to contest and election we could actually be talking sense. Lets face it corruption at an officer level hurts lesser than at a ministry level. The point about video recording interviews and releasing it later is simply adding a reality show element to the Lokpal.



5.      Every month on its website, the Lokayukta will publish a list of cases dealt with, brief details of each, their outcome and any action taken or proposed. It will also publish lists of all cases received by the Lokayukta during the previous month, cases dealt with and those which are pending.
Is the Lokayukta trying to be a parallel legal system or a mere middleman? Justice is delayed, denied because people wont come out and present evidence like it should be, If the Lokpal can enforce the witness protection program and other provisions already in place then we might have something in place
6.      Investigations of each case must be completed in one year. Any resulting trials should be concluded in the following year, giving a total maximum process time of two years.
No comments


7.      Losses caused to the government by a corrupt individual will be recovered at the time of conviction.
Here is the problem. Getting them convicted, The law is twisted and the accused get away with less intensive charges. The individual might land up paying just a fraction of the total amount in propotion to the degree of offense he is proven guilty for.


8.       Government office work required by a citizen that is not completed within a prescribed time period will result in Lokpal imposing financial penalties on those responsible, which will then be given as compensation to the complainant.

9.       Complaints against any officer of Lokpal will be investigated and completed within a month and, if found to be substantive, will result in the officer being dismissed within two months.

10.   The existing anti-corruption agencies (CVC, departmental vigilance and the anti-corruption branch of the CBI) will be merged into Lokpal which will have complete power and authority to independently investigate and prosecute any officer, judge or politician.
11.   Whistleblowers who alert the agency to potential corruption cases will also be provided with protection by it.

Another critical flaw of the system would be granting autonomy to the committee to an extent that allows the Lokpal Committee to question and overpower the prime minister. Dude seriously??? Our Prime ministers have been more or less good. it is usually the lower grade land grabbing politicians who are wiping their ass with the countries flag.



Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Wasted Charachters- Because the Script Demanded

One More list from me and this time it is about women who played roles in movies that had nothing to do with them, Sure the movie could have done without them, but then Bollywood is incomplete without the feminine touch:

1. Dia Mirza in Shootout at Lokhandwala:
A male Reporter would have looked just as good but then Dia Mirza joined the shooting party.

2. Deepal Shaw in A Wednesday
I will blame Nasseruddin Shah in this case, of all the women reporters hechosse deepal shaw to call up for such a noble cause. Her ascent could have well ruined the entire planning, but then the rub of the green went the old mans way.

3. Neha Dupia in Qayamat
The movie could have been named THE COCK in retribution to the original inspiration THE ROCK. Somehow Neha Dupia convinces Ajay Devgan to Save hostages and Bombay. How she does it? is interesting, she bribes him with Love. Sob Sob

4. Jia Khan in Ghajini
Eager to Please a suffering man she runs around from pillar to post throughout the movie, Sorry for her the villian doesn't care and the hero doesn't remember.

5. Pooja Bhat in Border
Sharbani Mukherjee like Pooja Bhat also got a song in the movie but at the end of it she conceived. Tabu got her Husband back. Pooja Bhat had nothing to cheer except victory. No offense to the intent of the movie but hell the Battle of loungewala could have done without the melodrama

6. Neha Dupia again in Singh is King
I was just reminded she had intermittent appearances.

7. Vidya Balan in Guru
 Seriously Why??? For that one smooch scene ?????


8. All Women in LOC
Couldnt Kargil have done without half of Bollywood heroines???



Thursday, June 30, 2011

Bollywood and Colleges


The way colleges and college life has been depicted in movies over the years has inspired scores of on campus dress codes, trends and cultures that have dominated that era.
Now I think Bollywood is reaching its stage of equilibrium and over the years has subdued its instinct of personifying campus life. From the early 80s to now, three generations of Bollywood have left disturbing traces of anything in the name of art.
From the eighties till, before the beginning of 21st century every movie with college relevance would have the below:
Every college scene in any movie always had these bunch of not necessarily pretty women but women, mind you women in college with raunchy dressing playing basket ball, dribbling with both hands, cheering the college macho some of them with two plats and soda bottle glasses all of this to make that one heroine look super beautiful. Right, so many women and then there’s this one stud in college playing the guitar in a way that would make jimmy Hendrix cry in his grave, the nice guy who stands against the injustice and tyranny of ragging and other on campus social evils. Such good men on campus have inspired hair styles over generations from colossal side locks to puffed hair and mullets, to spiked hair this trend keeps changing. However what doesn’t change is this stud’s inevitable eloping with the college queen as they fight all odds together, battle family disputes all for love. The worst comes when the supposed hero just breaks out dancing (when he could say the same thing) to proclaim love and hate, and keeps dancing around the campus to lure this one supermodel in college, throughout 80% of the song she’s not interested and towards the end when she can take it no more submits to the will of the hunk.  

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Happy Birthday Mithunda


Today the 16th of June, Besides marking the official release of this post is also the day when Mimoh's father Celebrates his birthday. If real life was Sholay then Bappi Lahiri was gabbar and Mithunda, basanti. Of course Dharmendra was the national Award. :)
Mithun danced to Bappis tunes to win the national award. 
Of the Numerous national awards he has won for commercially successful movies I personally Love him for movies that won his audience gallantry awards for going through the entire film. I dont know what real success does to people, According to Maslows Heirarchy of needs human behavious flows in  the following way (Diagram attached For Non-MBAs) Today on his birthday we shall credit him for art not monetized well, whikle simultaneously trying to decipher this mans correlation with Human wants.

Once a person meets his basic physiological, Security and social needs a Man strives for Esteem beyond which he seeks Self Actualization. Like Shahrukh Khan moved on from his Butt show ZGraded Maya Memsaab to musically acclaimed Mohobatein. Mithun on the other hand moved from National Award winning Agneepath and Disco Dancer to Shapath, Chandal,   and the all time cult classic GUNDA. 


Kanti Shah Loyalist might argue Gunda out performed every other Mithun Work, but for the sake of contradiction I'd argue Shapath was just as good if not better. In my opinion it is the Triveni Sangam (Confluence of three Large Rivers of India) of Motion Pictures. Jackie Shroff, Mithun Chakroborty and the largest Royalty earner from Auto-Rickshaw Stereos Altaf Raja. Well supported by stars such as Harish (picture attached for visual pleasure) who by the time shapath was released quit all attempts of sporting a mustache. So the movie flows on the river of confusion and revenge. harish gets killed by the bad guys, His brother Retired Army Commando Mithun (Now a drunkard with long hair) in quest of avenging his death goes in search of and Jaggu Dada whos not the real bad guy but works with them. Their Powers Unite and together they overcome the forces of evil. As they move from strength to strength Altaf dances with women in florescent undergarments covered in white cloth Just for the sake of entertaining two good guys taking on a town full of goons. 


As it always happen it ends in the triumph of good over evil.

Now here is my argument
If the national awards won him Esteem, Mithun made movies with Kanti Shah for Self Actualization???????????
Nobody knows why it happened but some reason it just did. 

However it maybe the man has been relentlessly entertaining every eyeball. Happy Birthday 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The 90s Chronicle: Rise of One man shows

This post however is an insight into  how everything in the Ninties was so interconnected, Cricket, Politics and Bollywood.

Sluggish as things have been here, the governments enormous delay in procuring Toyota Qualises for Mumbai Police have caused just as many casualties on screen. With the Police force of the Nineties without choice arriving late at the crime screen only to handcuff the bad guys who had already been beaten up to his grave by one man armed with "Maa ka ashirwad" and the supporting actor (usually true friend) dying an emotional death in the bargain, On another field at the same time little tendulkar as he was coming to consensus with puberty  stood Alone fighting tournaments, while other members were overcoming the joy of FREE Air-Travel and Accommodation. Nevertheless tail enders picked up singles to finish  matches. So while tendulkar was blasting bowlers away, the broken arrows of Bollywood  Sunny and Suni(el) were wrecking havoc on individuals, goons and National armies with their right arm tied behind their back through that decade. Little did they know that hairy chest was soon to run out of fashion and a stammering delhi boy would stammer his way into the hearts of hindi speaking India the same analogy with a little tweak continued to the political stage with Mr. Atal Bihari Vajpayee becoming the Prime Minister. Wow! Im glad the duo for the sake of time value of  Money dint indulge in a Tete-a-tete. So its no real surprise Now that Katrina is at the Center Stage of Bollywood, Sonia Gandhi is the almost Prime Minister. Similarities ??? Maybe Natural Patterns of Nature.


Friday, February 11, 2011

Anu Malik deserves a special spot in History for this one!!!

For Starters: Anu Mallik: Who came up with a first name ANU for a guy
His music is the aftermath of childhood ragging in school.


Alisha Chinoy: Singer+Actress=Seductress | Every song she sang in the early nineties was a Mass Seduction Campaign ( more covered in a separate topic on ALisha Chinoy) .

who wrote the lyrics? how does it matter... anu and alisha
Put these 2 together and this is what you get:

Film: Khuddar Starring: GOVINDA and KARISHMA KAPOOR
It goes like this, the bad guys are hunting for a beauty to star in their next porn production
and
then the curtains open to this:::::::::::::::::::::


ti ti tiii Music Ti ti ti t ittit it ti t ti Music


(An over joyed karishma Kapoor, in an embroidreid onepiece swim suit with frills, throwing flying kisses jumps on stage, does a few initial warm up moves on stage before anu mallik disguised as a stage dancer shows up sayin...
Anu Mallik: Hi Sexy Hellooooo Sexy...Listen Sexy watchH you doing tonite ??? 




Alisha Chinoy: O Shut up 
Anu Mallik: Hey come on lets have dinner ok ??? 
Alisha Chinoyi: With you ???? F - O 
Anu Mallik: Whatttttt? 
Alisha Chinoy: i mean F on a O (ting ting ting... Drums) no no  
नीली नीली आन्खेइ मेरी में क्या करू?
गोरे गोरे गाल मेरे में क्या करू ? 
होठ मेरे लाल लाल में क्या करू? 
काले काले बाल मेरे में क्या करू? 
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े 


Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 
Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 
ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???
Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???


CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले?
Alisha Chinai: माना में हु सेक्सी very सेक्सी ऊह ला ला Sorry sorry दिल पे मेरे लग चूका ताला
मामा मिया अल्लाह अल्लाह ये क्या किया


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa


Alisha Chinoy: मुझ को beautiful बना के tension क्यू दिया???


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya याआआआआ


Alisha chinoy: साला में तो पागल हो गयी इतनी Sexy होकर
अपनी हे जवानी से अब लगता है डर
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े


Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 
Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???
Alisha Chinoy: Oooh la la
A B C D 1 2 3 4 we'll be winking Jack and GIll
जहा भी जाऊ जिधर भी जाऊ लड़के मांगे मेरा दिल
BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के
CHORUS: BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के
Alisha Chinoy: रोज़ हे आते है मुझको शादी के ऑफर
Rolls Royce देते है मुझको Darling BIg show पर
BOMBSHELL BOMBSHELL बोले सब बोले किशमिश
Itallian, Chinese oooh whadaa DISH???
Million DOllars Smile मेरी सब ये कहते है

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa
Alisha Chinoy: अरे उप्पर से नीचे मुझको देखा करते है!!
CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: आशिक मुझको ख़त me लिखते है होतो पर बेबाक
तेरे लिए अपनी बीवी को दे दू तलाक

चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 
Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???