Open Letter to Zaid Hamid

Dear Zaid Hamid, 

If in any form material or abstract, This planet could do its bit to show its gratitude to the seamen that lubricates your throat,the Pope would probably do a lap-dance for Paris Hilton; for that alone has empowered your rise to fame, your ability to relentlessly use your Vocal Chords. 

You Sir have joined the esteemed league of Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black 

1. for making it big via the Internet using your Globally substandard and Ethnically superior Oratory skills

2. for sounding like a 14 yr old wanting to pull down the pantie of a 18 yr old 

With due respect to your followers who conferred Knighthood upon you with the non islamic title "Sir" I will carry the same forward throughout the letter (Note: in my case it is to be considered a shorter version of "SirFira") 

I understand you come from a Islamic GiJoe family with your ancestry rooting back to the favorite Lion poo cleaner at the court of Babur(he too was a soldier), to your father who worked as a trainer to young British immigrant kids on the use of combat knives to make kebabs across different terrains. Despite having the military Olive green blood Flowing to your testicles through your yet-to-be-tracked brains You Sir were rejected from the (wait a minute) Pakistan Army??? and under the sorry excuse of eyesight??? How could they simply piss on your the fire of your desire? Deemed inappropriate for combat operations You Sir at the age of 22 set out to confront your post menstrual mood swings and undertook the daring Afghan Jihad and drove the soviets all the way back to Moscow all this without direct divine help (no saviors on white horses, No Sylvester Stallone from Rambo, no Tom Hanks from Charlie Wilson's War giving you stinger missiles)  and your squint vision. Not surprisingly the soviets crumbled. Prior to that Sir, you did manage to pass your Engineering from Najayeez Kasai Institute of Bomb making and Kalashnikov Repairing. But at the age of 22 you set out for glory and spent the next 6 years as a stone age man in the Tora Bora caves of Afghanistan. Fighting with the soviets as a supporting function to the Afghan Jihad you relentlessly pleased the tired jihadis with your motivational speeches and as a make do apparatus for their Libido control. You will be rewarded a few hundred Virgins (probably cattle) in heaven.

Zaid Hamid at his best

Now at the age of 28 that you returned a tired fighter and no real work experience to back your engineering degree. You worked as a security technician fitting camera and fire alarms in the very few Pakistani companies who actually could afford these. Being turned down as a spokesperson cum security analyst  by the Taliban, Lashkar-e-Taiba and the other local governing bodies of your "Mulk" you Sir continued to battle the odds. Despite the post War syndrome taking a dangerous turn into schizophrenia, your determination and unknown source of funding seen you found Brasstacks a Security analyst firm.

Deprived from the world like an Indian Shudhra in the 1800s you made your schizophrenia a shield of Hope for all the mislead, ill Informed Pakistani youth. Joining your cause were the out of the lime light Ali Azmat and Maria B finding ways to get their faces back on PTv. In you they confide and with you they'll swim through the tide. While CIA, RAW and Mossad agents were to busy conspiring against the state of Pakistan the issue you have closely monitored, you built your Counter intelligence services to gain access to first hand information across troubled zones. They  worked day and night in invisible mode only to send you pictures and videos of the Non-circumcised Penis of all these Zionist agents working against your interests in Baluchistan and Waziristan. These images and home shot videos, you broadcasted on the Media of Jewish Origin- Facebook, youtube, twitter and Google. Your  bum-chum Ali Azmat also went to the extent of calling John Lenon a CIA agent and inspiring the world to tune their guitars to a Zionist frequency so eventually the Neo-Con-Zionist regimes would take over the Oil cause frankly after that why would they be interested?

Not to mention your testimony in Lahore family court where you accused your now estranged wife of physically eloping with an Indian RAW agent. The bollywood (gangster movie inspired, formulated in Tel Aviv and financed by the CIA ) plot to get into the soft books of Mrs. Zaid Hamid and do her in broad day light was to simply realise the "Pakistan ki Maa chodni hai" dream. And as planned your wife's deprivation due to your retardation, acknowledged the marginally better Spicy Indian Penis and dumped you. The RAW agent was all tears, choked with guilt but Ali Azmat was reported to have bought extra supply of Vaseline to cement your strategic ties.

Sir your think tank (the Russian confiscated one) accuses RAW of everything including cases of miscarriages and erectile dysfunctions across Pakistan, the only justification would be, Indian agents poisoning the Indus water that flows into those regions. Brilliant!!! only you could converge geography, biology, geo- politics and History.

The list of your manufactured conspiracy theories could be frozen in time with a book called "Fantasies of a Retarded Jihadi"

Now that you plan on Hoisting the flag on the Red fort of Delhi, let me wish you luck after winning in Panipat that is. Your approach is inspired by Hitler without a shadow of doubt, Like you he too first got hold of the youth and then went on to do what he did but what you are forgetting is they were Germans and relied on education and technology, Hitler dint promise his people Men on white horses with swords fighting their enemies. Granted the Indian army ain't the best in the world but your men on horses would fall to their snipers after all.

If you stop collecting funds to aid your mentally challenged cause you could find employment as a clown in a western country. Take my word for it- Do it Now. And ya stop thinking of yourself as important enough to be assassinated by an intelligence agency Just because you'r self proclaimed alter ego calls himself a security analyst the one who nobody acknowledges including the Pakistani media. Granted you are the elite of your country. You know after all how to use a laptop, log on to google, create facebook pages, tweet and allow only approved comments on your rant videos on youtube still a 4th grade kid does that else where. Honestly nobody gives a fuck you know what the rest of the world has things to do like Work, Career, Jobs, family etc.

Trust me Sir start following Hassan Nisar, Pervez Hoodbhoy, Najam Sethi, Asghar Khan and sometime Imran Khan.

To conclude I would want to say: आपके पागलपन की वजह से, कही आपका IqBal का पाकिस्तान एक बाल का पाकिस्तान न हो जाये.


Jaate Jaate ek Sher

एक शेर अर्ज़ करता हु SIR:

आपके अल्फाजो में है क्या जादू??? आपके अल्फाजो में है क्या जादू???

बस तू मु खोल और में पादू.. dhooooooooooooooooooooooooos