Wasted Charachters- Because the Script Demanded

One More list from me and this time it is about women who played roles in movies that had nothing to do with them, Sure the movie could have done without them, but then Bollywood is incomplete without the feminine touch:

1. Dia Mirza in Shootout at Lokhandwala:
A male Reporter would have looked just as good but then Dia Mirza joined the shooting party.

2. Deepal Shaw in A Wednesday
I will blame Nasseruddin Shah in this case, of all the women reporters hechosse deepal shaw to call up for such a noble cause. Her ascent could have well ruined the entire planning, but then the rub of the green went the old mans way.

3. Neha Dupia in Qayamat
The movie could have been named THE COCK in retribution to the original inspiration THE ROCK. Somehow Neha Dupia convinces Ajay Devgan to Save hostages and Bombay. How she does it? is interesting, she bribes him with Love. Sob Sob

4. Jia Khan in Ghajini
Eager to Please a suffering man she runs around from pillar to post throughout the movie, Sorry for her the villian doesn't care and the hero doesn't remember.

5. Pooja Bhat in Border
Sharbani Mukherjee like Pooja Bhat also got a song in the movie but at the end of it she conceived. Tabu got her Husband back. Pooja Bhat had nothing to cheer except victory. No offense to the intent of the movie but hell the Battle of loungewala could have done without the melodrama

6. Neha Dupia again in Singh is King
I was just reminded she had intermittent appearances.

7. Vidya Balan in Guru
 Seriously Why??? For that one smooch scene ?????


8. All Women in LOC
Couldnt Kargil have done without half of Bollywood heroines???

Bollywood and Colleges

The way colleges and college life has been depicted in movies over the years has inspired scores of on campus dress codes, trends and cultures that have dominated that era.

Now I think Bollywood is reaching its stage of equilibrium and over the years has subdued its instinct of personifying campus life. From the early 80s to now, three generations of Bollywood have left disturbing traces of anything in the name of art.

From the eighties till, before the beginning of 21st century every movie with college relevance would have the below:

Every college scene in any movie always had these bunch of not necessarily pretty women but women, mind you women in college with raunchy dressing playing basket ball, dribbling with both hands, cheering the college macho some of them with two plats and soda bottle glasses all of this to make that one heroine look super beautiful. Right, so many women and then there’s this one stud in college playing the guitar in a way that would make jimmy Hendrix cry in his grave, the nice guy who stands against the injustice and tyranny of ragging and other on campus social evils. Such good men on campus have inspired hair styles over generations from colossal side locks to puffed hair and mullets, to spiked hair this trend keeps changing. However what doesn’t change is this stud’s inevitable eloping with the college queen as they fight all odds together, battle family disputes all for love. The worst comes when the supposed hero just breaks out dancing (when he could say the same thing) to proclaim love and hate, and keeps dancing around the campus to lure this one supermodel in college, throughout 80% of the song she’s not interested and towards the end when she can take it no more submits to the will of the hunk.  

Read full story on http://www.gyancentral.com/editorial/item/112-the-symbiotic-relationship-of-bollywood-with-colleges-in-india

Happy Birthday Mithunda

Today the 16th of June, Besides marking the official release of this post is also the day when Mimoh's father Celebrates his birthday. If real life was Sholay then Bappi Lahiri was gabbar and Mithunda, basanti. Of course Dharmendra was the national Award. :)

Mithun danced to Bappis tunes to win the national award. 

Of the Numerous national awards he has won for commercially successful movies I personally Love him for movies that won his audience gallantry awards for going through the entire film. I dont know what real success does to people, According to Maslows Heirarchy of needs human behavious flows in  the following way (Diagram attached For Non-MBAs) Today on his birthday we shall credit him for art not monetized well, whikle simultaneously trying to decipher this mans correlation with Human wants.

Once a person meets his basic physiological, Security and social needs a Man strives for Esteem beyond which he seeks Self Actualization. Like Shahrukh Khan moved on from his Butt show ZGraded Maya Memsaab to musically acclaimed Mohobatein. Mithun on the other hand moved from National Award winning Agneepath and Disco Dancer to Shapath, Chandal,   and the all time cult classic GUNDA. 

Kanti Shah Loyalist might argue Gunda out performed every other Mithun Work, but for the sake of contradiction I'd argue Shapath was just as good if not better. In my opinion it is the Triveni Sangam (Confluence of three Large Rivers of India) of Motion Pictures. Jackie Shroff, Mithun Chakroborty and the largest Royalty earner from Auto-Rickshaw Stereos Altaf Raja. Well supported by stars such as Harish (picture attached for visual pleasure) who by the time shapath was released quit all attempts of sporting a mustache. So the movie flows on the river of confusion and revenge. harish gets killed by the bad guys, His brother Retired Army Commando Mithun (Now a drunkard with long hair) in quest of avenging his death goes in search of and Jaggu Dada whos not the real bad guy but works with them. Their Powers Unite and together they overcome the forces of evil. As they move from strength to strength Altaf dances with women in florescent undergarments covered in white cloth Just for the sake of entertaining two good guys taking on a town full of goons. 

As it always happen it ends in the triumph of good over evil.

Now here is my argument

If the national awards won him Esteem, Mithun made movies with Kanti Shah for Self Actualization???????????

Nobody knows why it happened but some reason it just did. 

However it maybe the man has been relentlessly entertaining every eyeball. Happy Birthday 

The 90s Chronicle: Rise of One man shows

This post however is an insight into  how everything in the Ninties was so interconnected, Cricket, Politics and Bollywood.

Sluggish as things have been here, the governments enormous delay in procuring Toyota Qualises for Mumbai Police have caused just as many casualties on screen. With the Police force of the Nineties without choice arriving late at the crime screen only to handcuff the bad guys who had already been beaten up to his grave by one man armed with "Maa ka ashirwad" and the supporting actor (usually true friend) dying an emotional death in the bargain, On another field at the same time little tendulkar as he was coming to consensus with puberty  stood Alone fighting tournaments, while other members were overcoming the joy of FREE Air-Travel and Accommodation. Nevertheless tail enders picked up singles to finish  matches. So while tendulkar was blasting bowlers away, the broken arrows of Bollywood  Sunny and Suni(el) were wrecking havoc on individuals, goons and National armies with their right arm tied behind their back through that decade. Little did they know that hairy chest was soon to run out of fashion and a stammering delhi boy would stammer his way into the hearts of hindi speaking India the same analogy with a little tweak continued to the political stage with Mr. Atal Bihari Vajpayee becoming the Prime Minister. Wow! Im glad the duo for the sake of time value of  Money dint indulge in a Tete-a-tete. So its no real surprise Now that Katrina is at the Center Stage of Bollywood, Sonia Gandhi is the almost Prime Minister. Similarities ??? Maybe Natural Patterns of Nature.

Anu Malik deserves a special spot in History for this one!!!

For Starters: Anu Mallik: Who came up with a first name ANU for a guy
His music is the aftermath of childhood ragging in school.


Alisha Chinoy: Singer+Actress=Seductress | Every song she sang in the early nineties was a Mass Seduction Campaign ( more covered in a separate topic on ALisha Chinoy) .

who wrote the lyrics? how does it matter... anu and alisha
Put these 2 together and this is what you get:

Film: Khuddar Starring: GOVINDA and KARISHMA KAPOOR
It goes like this, the bad guys are hunting for a beauty to star in their next porn production
and
then the curtains open to this:::::::::::::::::::::


ti ti tiii Music Ti ti ti t ittit it ti t ti Music


(An over joyed karishma Kapoor, in an embroidreid onepiece swim suit with frills, throwing flying kisses jumps on stage, does a few initial warm up moves on stage before anu mallik disguised as a stage dancer shows up sayin...
Anu Mallik: Hi Sexy Hellooooo Sexy...Listen Sexy watchH you doing tonite ??? 




Alisha Chinoy: O Shut up 
Anu Mallik: Hey come on lets have dinner ok ??? 
Alisha Chinoyi: With you ???? F - O 
Anu Mallik: Whatttttt? 
Alisha Chinoy: i mean F on a O (ting ting ting... Drums) no no  
नीली नीली आन्खेइ मेरी में क्या करू?
गोरे गोरे गाल मेरे में क्या करू ? 
होठ मेरे लाल लाल में क्या करू? 
काले काले बाल मेरे में क्या करू? 
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े 


Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 
Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???
Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???


CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले?
Alisha Chinai: माना में हु सेक्सी very सेक्सी ऊह ला ला Sorry sorry दिल पे मेरे लग चूका ताला
मामा मिया अल्लाह अल्लाह ये क्या किया


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa


Alisha Chinoy: मुझ को beautiful बना के tension क्यू दिया???


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya याआआआआ


Alisha chinoy: साला में तो पागल हो गयी इतनी Sexy होकर
अपनी हे जवानी से अब लगता है डर
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 

Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???

Alisha Chinoy: Oooh la la

A B C D 1 2 3 4 we'll be winking Jack and GIll

जहा भी जाऊ जिधर भी जाऊ लड़के मांगे मेरा दिल

BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के

CHORUS: BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के

Alisha Chinoy: रोज़ हे आते है मुझको शादी के ऑफर

Rolls Royce देते है मुझको Darling BIg show पर

BOMBSHELL BOMBSHELL बोले सब बोले किशमिश

Itallian, Chinese oooh whadaa DISH???

Million DOllars Smile मेरी सब ये कहते है

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: अरे उप्पर से नीचे मुझको देखा करते है!!

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: आशिक मुझको ख़त me लिखते है होतो पर बेबाक

तेरे लिए अपनी बीवी को दे दू तलाक

चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 

Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???

how bollywood has changed over the years... part 1

Winds of change

Bollywood has undergone some serious revival and in the words of the world has become BOLD; Bold in the sense now they show a kiss as a kiss without reason but still, they show Indian chicks in actual bikinis and not trunks and banyans like they earlier did, Also they even talk about SEX like a word you can use on screen and not feel the burden of betraying morality, Good amount of movies also show love making scenes at least so you should guess from the expressions on the womans face which says either “Retake Please” Or  “Mr. Director no retake on this on please”. Our hunks try too hard onscreen.

 The lip locking bug that stung bollywood since the last 4-5 years, has fostered in an era of liberation for artists so every time there is a conscious effort to make the script demand a lip locking scene irrespective of what’s happening in the background. If only Raj Kapoor lived to see this day, Hugh Hefner would have been less popular besides battling a hostile takeover of his playboy empire by a Desi Playboy. Coming back to the lip locking here’s a coincidence I cannot miss, both Lord Kisser and Lady Kisser of our generation have ape like Jaw lines: Imraan Hashmi and Mallika Sherawat, So Murder the movie was More like Brother Sister from a different mother in bed together . Not nice, our culture does not approve but then they only protest the art of obscenity.

Now to the Bikini, after Raj Kapoor a couple of decades missed the aesthetics of swim wear especially the bikini. Attempts were made to somehow get women in swim suits so the late 80’s to early 90’s ensured every actresses’ debut had her showing some skin usually in the boring one piece swim suit the trend then was to grab the lime light and next time on make the same thing pricy. Much similar to how software companies today give free trials and then make you pay a bomb. Anyways coming back on track women have grown from voluptuous to slim so swim wear has moved from covering to now blending. All pre release rumours and hoards of stories do rounds of channels and tabloids of the love making scenes and how a particular actress has very comfortably executed the script. What they don’t tell you is what you don’t want to see, like, when Mallika Sherawat Starrer Khwaish was due for release all campaigns yelled the 14 odd kissing scenes, for this I so wanted to watch the film, what the campaigns dint tell is, I’d have to see Himanshu Mallik in Underwear also,

that is something I wouldn’t want to do at gunpoint; Still Five stars for Marketing. When tashann was due for release the idea of seeing kareena kapoor in a bikini send goose bumps to atleast half a billion Indians, but when they movie released the anorexia pretty much killed the excitement.

In almost all movies released in the last couple of years Kissing scenes and Bikini clad chicks make headlines before they crystallise on the release dates, now a day’s even political wings have stopped protesting, Nobody can afford malls and multiplexes running out of business.

Beyond chicks bollywood has become bold when it comes to Pakistan, After Border they’ve shown a neighbouring hostile nation as Pakistan unlike tehelka (1992) when the neighbouring hostile nation was a small hamlet called DONGRILLA ruled by a dictator called DONG whose commanders conversed with each other with one party raising the right hand to say BOM CHICK BOM BOM and the other with the same enthusiasm replied by LONG LIVE DONG.

To be continued................

Hollywood Vs Bollywood >> War Movies

Russell Peters was spot on when he said a Bollywood hero gets shot in Delhi and dies somewhere in chennai, and its not like he walks there ... he's dying along the way... 

Most bolly actors can easily digest and recover from more bullets than Arnold Schwarzenegger did in Terminator. I mean who needs Science Fiction? Our actors can do it with 
determination alone.

Everyone who thinks Tom Hanks saved some private called Ryan, 

Should bare in mind: Suneil Shetty is taking offence, This man

blew up a Tank single handedly that too after being shot some 
seven hundred and thirty six times he still managed to walk upto 
a tank with an anti tank mine and strategically place
the explosive, WOW!! Granted they were fighting in different

terrains but still a desert is a lot more nasty than an urban
landscape and SunEEl deserves a special seat in valor circles.

The Difference really is Tom Hanks was Saving Private Ryan 

with a bunch of other soldiers-

TEAMWORK;

while in BORDER case Suneil was Just the trailer of the Indian arsenal 

hiding the real Weapon of Mass Destruction --> Sunny Deol 
the duo eventually blew up an entire tank thrust. With a little air support 

from Jaggu Dada; FIGHHHHHHT!!!

Despite Hollywood's obsession with saving the world they still 

manage to barge into uninvited international affairs and make 

movies out of it. None the less they do a good job of keeping it

technically sound. Not bad!!! Sylvester Stallone alone fought in 

all major US wars, despite the perpetual confusion on which side

he belonged to, he flamboyantly managed to beat the bad guys

with Bows and Arrows ( Now, I'm beginning to wonder if he went

back to Afghanistan to make Rambo 5 He'd have to shoot that 

kid he gave his pendant to in Rambo 3), Old is Gold I say!!!

Not Bad the Dude still used Weapons and fought on war fronts.

Nothing like Sunnny Paaji though, Think about it an unarmed 

lethargic Punjabi munda had himself smuggled to Pakistan, 

Fought their Bureaucracy with an Uprooted hand pump

( I wonder what a hand Pump was doing outside a parliament house? 

Maybe it was to say -Pakistan is still stoneage) 

Annihilated the entire army chasing him with horses, Jeeps, 

Helicopters, UFOs and determined hatred and still managed to 

smuggle his wife and kid back to India. :( 

This kind of action would put Leonidas the King of Sparta to shame,

He had 300 warriors to fight an army.

We had ONE WMD fight a Nation 

(all parts of the government machinery included)

It would be brain crunching

to predict what Runs through the minds of our movie makers? 

But so long as it sells Who cares??

To Summarize the difference between Holly and Bolly:

Hollywood banks on How to depict technology and strategy to

translate Fantasies to believable facts 

Bollywood on the other end simply relies on the 

BICEPS of the Character playing HERO!!!