Sachin Tendulkar and his 100th 100

Tell me you don't have a Maharashtrian friend called Sachin? Sach is the impact of sach he inspired a generation of parents to carry forward his legacy. Measuring just about close to the crotch of Curtly Ambrose, Sachin (now 100dulkar) has been fearless, aggressive, defiant and just about as middle class as any maharashtrian who lost his job since the textile mills in lower parel closed down. Tendulkar's career spans an era when Indian cricketers still used coconut shells as abdominal gaurds, covered by zipped pants and no branding to this day when cricket and cricketers have become brands in motion and still tendulkar true to his grass roots pays respect with half a Scot and the occasional ball-guard tampering. 

Anyways the smallest Maratha made his debut against Pakistan in 1989 just about the time that Kashmir militancy began. Pakistan unleashed its long range ballistic bowlers Waqar and Wasim and its mid range missile Abdul Qadir. In the hope of exploiting his adolescence Pakistani arsenal unleashed its best but little tendulkar reminiscent  of the Mogul era was hell bent on doing a shivaji and he did. From this series what he will really be remembered for is the nerve it took to get up to waqar younis after being hit on the nose, so he got hit, fell down, got up wiped the blood and took stance again, Frustrated by this defiance, Pakistan decided to send in more infiltrators into Kashmir, so it began 1989: The arrival of tendulkar and the reign of terror in Kashmir.

As tendulkar grew from strength to strength, the other players sub consciously outsourced the onus of victory on this yet to be man young player. The boy still took it head on. If there is any debate as to why he is great, I will credit the honor in attribution to his career between 1996 to 2000. Back then it was Tendulkar Vs Rest of the world. That was the moment of truth, Ultimately I realized Why was tendulkar the player who had to adjust his abdominal guard the most- Cause he has Balls of steel. For the long and fiery innings he played the friction produced more heat than others would ever know. 

Not to say that he stopped winning us matches as he grew older but tendulkar has his fair share of criticisim, much to his credit. Yes he did slow down playing when nearing a hundred. Dint play too many match winning innings in the last years of his cricket but you know what Indians love him, he can take a walk in a thong on the pitch and people will still love him. Marking the 100th 100 of the man today, so what if it came against Bangladesh? he hit 99 before that right?

My prediction is 100 years from now if Shiv Sena is still a political party, Sachin tendulkar will replace Shivaji as the mascot. 

Just a gentle suggestion to the great: You have done a lot and the country looks up to you, please dont Fuck your years of reputation with long hair and straightening. Shoaib Akhtar is already the bonafied Eunuch of world cricket. You looked better with your Jonny Lever hair style.

Rahul the wall Dravid

An entire generation of women who were growing up when dravid started his career are reported to have attained premature menopause at the news of his retirement. Well Almost! 

Arguably the most handsome cricketer of his times Dravid's success was inevitable. Dravid's international career started clean shaven against Sourav Ganguly sporting a thin (brush Zero sized) mustache, Javagal Srinath, Anil kumble and Azaharuddin sporting the telephone receiver shaped mustache after India's disastrous 96 world cup. Tendulkar was yet to get facial hair, Jadeja was out and Prasad scarcely mattered. Amidst hackled indian dressing room Dravid with his boy next door persona and deep rooted middle class mentality made him hero. How? Let me explain, In the 90's most of the team staged a peaceful protest at tendulkar's dismissal by not performing themselves but the non-congress batsmen anointed by Rajnikant throughout his young days stood defiant and slogged through the match, even if it meant loosing Dravid stood there. The Wall.


Years later historians will dispute dravid's real age. For he played cricket like they played two decades earlier oh his time. Feet Planted in, absolutely no urgency to score, tire the pace baller till he is forced to spin made his innings long, real long. Usually as indians switched channels at tendulkars dismissal and at the slightest ray of optimism tuned in to check who was the man of the match, Surprise! Surprise! Dravid was still batting. 200 balls no fours, no sixes and 20 not out. 


By the way the tittle 'the wall' had nothing to do with hitting the ball, was it was simply the undying attitude "If I loose this government job? I will be selling Jam with daddy!" that made him stand through Allan Donald, Wasim Akram, Chutney Ambrose, Darren Gough and the likes. Dravid's career can actually be categorized into three phases
1. When he dint hit sixes
2. When he started hitting sixes (all of which had to be approved by the third umpire simply because they werent comprehensive enough)
3. When he hit it in the stands


Unfazed by match fixing, rarely criticized for performance, thrown out once and fought back in to stay. SALUTE

The ideology of Zaid Hamid

Zaid Haramid,

I gather your schizophrenia has taken a radical turn into verbal diarrhea and theres absolutely no hint of a slow down. Every time you open your mouth, the small farts make way for the mega conspiracy shit explosion, your sporadic nose rubs and hand shrugs with a little neck shakes express the joy of an un-paid midget roasting your nuts with Zippo lighter under seat.

You have probably learnt of nazisim and have by now over a million masturbations to Hitler. But your audience is the less educated Pakistani youth who till now dont know about the world wars and still think Muhammad Bin Kasim was the ruler of Europe and Pakistanis are actually Arabs, are the ones who entertain you. I recently heard of your SAFMA court hearing:

Dude Seriously!!! Look at your supporters? Half of them are just happy they are being photographed. Who amongst them looks like they can spell what they are holding? Your 3 rupee chart paper and 2 rupee sketch penned placards  with one-promised-sheek-kebab-pav meal bribed supporters you set out to conquer the world. What is wrong with you?

Coming back to your obsession with Nazism and Hitlers rise to power- you think imitating Hitler will make you like him? through your speeches and social media awareness the people pf pakistan willl hail you as their supreme leader with unconditional power, (which is why you keep farting about "a care taker government") and then you will chase Israel, India and the united States with your paper boats remtoe control choppers? You think one day people will raise their one hand to shout out "Hail Zaid"! Knowing the voacb of your countrymen they will scream out "Hey Zaid teri G@@nd me Chaid" and the arabic suffixes as applicable.


Besides

Let me address some of your popular jargon:

1. You start your tweets and messages with "Dear Children"
your inability to get your wife children made her divorce you. Common dude? now you want to pull others children in your fantasy war? Try Call of Duty 4 I've heard its awesome.

2. You Tweet in Arabic
Chutiya! you think your jihadis friends in FATA and Waziristan have a twitter enabled AK-47? Or are Madarassa in pakistan charging extra fees for "Internet and computer fees" in addition to the bomb making tutorials?

3. Romance in history and War
Please go back to point number one. Your hormones are just not meant for these things. Not everyone relishes the idea of getting sodomized by a gun barell.

4. Posted a new Video on Facebook
See everyone knows for a fact that YOUTUBE has banned your hate rant videos. Now you have to choose cheaper alternatives such as blip.tv to monetize your videos

5. The country is surrounded by enemies
Yes. Israel, India and US. So you have set a personal record of distorting history and Geography. Wont be surprised if the Maps in your books show the arabic sea to the north and afghanistan somewhere around australia.

6. Ideology
Yes the eternal ek-baal ki ideology

 Zaidu. You are thriving on Photoshop, Movie maker, Facebook and Twitter. Just a moment before the Zionist who own this media ban you. then you can go back to your madarassas and scream on a microphone.

Dear Poonam Pandey [Hot (not) and (not) Sexy]

Dear Poonam Pandey,

Lets just say pollution accelerates mutation (Your twitter profile says your 19 and most of the years you've spent without clothes so my best estimate is- you haven't stepped into college yet. So to explain mutation to you here it goes -Mutation is a phenomenon significant to many aspects of life on Earth and is one of the principal means by which evolutionary change takes place). Never before in my recent memory had I seen anything like yourself, a sardine with the udders of a cow, Now that is a genetic case study. To your credit you  have single handedly transformed the masculine stereotype of a 'Pandey'. Before the world cup a Pandey would invoke a visual caricature of a dhoti, one ball scratching hand and dripping paan which you have successfully changed to strings, kerchiefs and silicon sculpture blend this with the very Indian 'Poonam' meaning full moon; an object of religious significance across faiths. This makes you the only worthy face of the subcontinent for reasons being:

1. Your first name represents an object respected by the two most dominant faiths
2. Nudity was an integral part of Ancient Indian culture. (Pay a visit to Ajanta Ellora caves for further clarification)
3. With your boobs come your bones, symbolic of the wealth and poverty and starvation prevalent in the sub continent
4. Lastly like Mahatma Gandhi you decided to stop wearing clothes for the nation.

Besides you are the next generation girl and the most downloaded model from India surpassing John Abraham and Milind soman the champs of the last two decades.Times are changing and how! The male dominated industry is finally paying its dues to the ladies and you honey are the catalyst of change(some times meaning chillar).

Your success comes at a time when online porn is available for free which is commendable. just shows the indian audience love for ravishing the anti climax(in your context the last patch of cloth hiding your real gender). 

Twitter is but a movie credits screen without you and at times KRKs kamakazee micro-blogging showcase. Your tweethearts from over the world and under the sea are testimonies to your ability to induce a hormonal avalanche through text and images. 

For all the accolades you've earned. It burns my heart when people use derogatory and defamatory adjectives in  reference  to your profession. If chetan Bhagat can be an author, Rahul Gandhi can aspire to be the PM then you too can be a model. Trust me Titanic would never sink had Jack and rose been MF hussain and Poonam Pandey both would do what they do best, nobody would have spied on you and the guards would have been more vigilant, but thats gone.

If Kanit Shah had the money He'd cast you in his version of the Titanic: Tight and panic

I Dont know what the world says to you but your fame is symbolic. Lets just call it Rise of the Transgenders

Respct!

Rapes in Delhi- When will this stop???

Why is Delhi/Noida the rape capital of India? Every week there has to be a rape/molestation case reported in TOI. Not too sure if this has to do anything with the qutub minar's physical location being delhi and Delhites interpretation of it being any different from known historians but

My gut feeling says maybe some men in Delhi have an extra testicle or probably they simply rub testosterone on their parathas every morning. 

Here is the little summary:

Everyone without a penis from an MD to a maid,

who does not wish to get laid even after being offered to get paid,

will get raped! Fuck Sad!

2012 and the fucking capital is unsafe for women despite having  sheela dixit and  sonia gandhi out there. Cmon Rapists... while most of the country danced to sheela ki jawani and you are my Sonia you took it quite literally dint you? 

(note: Names have been used in small case to intentionally showcase disrespect. Come get me sibal my fellow kabootars are waiting for target bombing practice against hostile guerrillas )). I dint want to list down the week on week cases as reported, but if you've been reading you knw what i'm saying. 

I wonder if they have tweaked the pledge for delhi boys schools to sound like:

India is my country all Indians are my brothers and sisters,

but God cant help the fact that I dont mind being a painnchod and the rest ka kya karna hai???

Sorry delhi boys, god gave you bulk, fair skin and stuble stretching down to your pubes but when you try your google translate empowered punjabi pick up lines it kinda negates the desired effect. If you think your dick is mighty enough lets talk to the defense ministry to introduce a Lund regiment for you guys where you stab the bad guys with your most misused organ.

The horniness in delhi couldn't escape fiction either. How the fuck in hell would an ugly looking paunchy guy get the balls to nail a moderately hot professor's daughter at his residence? I'm talking about chetan bhagat's 5 point some one- it had to be in IIT-Delhi. Granted the girl too was involved but for those who have under life threat or voluntarily read the book know that chetan's protagonist always had the intention to have sex while the girl who had lost her brother was looking at filling in the void.

Where does the love for vagina end? Seemingly never. Its like if you rape a lady figure proportionate to your social stature its simple sex but if you exceed your aukad then we call it rape. So we hear Driver rapes BPO employee, school Girl raped by college boys, 53 year old raped and killed by servant etc. 

Without prejudice the chauvinism has been carried forward to the larger lady figure our very own Bharat mata and  Delhi has relentlessly fucked everything of national interest. Kalmadi did his best to rape the Common wealth games but the media foiled what the CIA couldn't. Thats one, for extra knowledge you must google for reasons beyond mere scoring high at Group discussions for entry into MBA colleges.

Generally Delhi would rank high on horniness, globally. The number of rapes and the brutality of each is as good as the pre Ice age form of living known to man.

By the way Delhi ain't that bad. The infrastructure is an example for the rest of India. I mean where else can you possibly rape some one in a moving Car with fucked up roads.  So kudos! Till you rot hell!

I support this man's views. So should you. 

For any delhite reading this. In your defense you might want to quote stats of other states but thats not the point Im making. Unless TOI is making shit up you know what Im trying to say.

CYRUS MISTRY LOOK ALIKE

CYRUS MITY LOOKS LIkE MANU SHARMA- (Jessica lal murderer)

Open Letter to Zaid Hamid

Dear Zaid Hamid, 

If in any form material or abstract, This planet could do its bit to show its gratitude to the seamen that lubricates your throat,the Pope would probably do a lap-dance for Paris Hilton; for that alone has empowered your rise to fame, your ability to relentlessly use your Vocal Chords. 

You Sir have joined the esteemed league of Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black 

1. for making it big via the Internet using your Globally substandard and Ethnically superior Oratory skills

2. for sounding like a 14 yr old wanting to pull down the pantie of a 18 yr old 

With due respect to your followers who conferred Knighthood upon you with the non islamic title "Sir" I will carry the same forward throughout the letter (Note: in my case it is to be considered a shorter version of "SirFira") 

I understand you come from a Islamic GiJoe family with your ancestry rooting back to the favorite Lion poo cleaner at the court of Babur(he too was a soldier), to your father who worked as a trainer to young British immigrant kids on the use of combat knives to make kebabs across different terrains. Despite having the military Olive green blood Flowing to your testicles through your yet-to-be-tracked brains You Sir were rejected from the (wait a minute) Pakistan Army??? and under the sorry excuse of eyesight??? How could they simply piss on your the fire of your desire? Deemed inappropriate for combat operations You Sir at the age of 22 set out to confront your post menstrual mood swings and undertook the daring Afghan Jihad and drove the soviets all the way back to Moscow all this without direct divine help (no saviors on white horses, No Sylvester Stallone from Rambo, no Tom Hanks from Charlie Wilson's War giving you stinger missiles)  and your squint vision. Not surprisingly the soviets crumbled. Prior to that Sir, you did manage to pass your Engineering from Najayeez Kasai Institute of Bomb making and Kalashnikov Repairing. But at the age of 22 you set out for glory and spent the next 6 years as a stone age man in the Tora Bora caves of Afghanistan. Fighting with the soviets as a supporting function to the Afghan Jihad you relentlessly pleased the tired jihadis with your motivational speeches and as a make do apparatus for their Libido control. You will be rewarded a few hundred Virgins (probably cattle) in heaven.

Zaid Hamid at his best

Now at the age of 28 that you returned a tired fighter and no real work experience to back your engineering degree. You worked as a security technician fitting camera and fire alarms in the very few Pakistani companies who actually could afford these. Being turned down as a spokesperson cum security analyst  by the Taliban, Lashkar-e-Taiba and the other local governing bodies of your "Mulk" you Sir continued to battle the odds. Despite the post War syndrome taking a dangerous turn into schizophrenia, your determination and unknown source of funding seen you found Brasstacks a Security analyst firm.

Deprived from the world like an Indian Shudhra in the 1800s you made your schizophrenia a shield of Hope for all the mislead, ill Informed Pakistani youth. Joining your cause were the out of the lime light Ali Azmat and Maria B finding ways to get their faces back on PTv. In you they confide and with you they'll swim through the tide. While CIA, RAW and Mossad agents were to busy conspiring against the state of Pakistan the issue you have closely monitored, you built your Counter intelligence services to gain access to first hand information across troubled zones. They  worked day and night in invisible mode only to send you pictures and videos of the Non-circumcised Penis of all these Zionist agents working against your interests in Baluchistan and Waziristan. These images and home shot videos, you broadcasted on the Media of Jewish Origin- Facebook, youtube, twitter and Google. Your  bum-chum Ali Azmat also went to the extent of calling John Lenon a CIA agent and inspiring the world to tune their guitars to a Zionist frequency so eventually the Neo-Con-Zionist regimes would take over the Oil cause frankly after that why would they be interested?

Not to mention your testimony in Lahore family court where you accused your now estranged wife of physically eloping with an Indian RAW agent. The bollywood (gangster movie inspired, formulated in Tel Aviv and financed by the CIA ) plot to get into the soft books of Mrs. Zaid Hamid and do her in broad day light was to simply realise the "Pakistan ki Maa chodni hai" dream. And as planned your wife's deprivation due to your retardation, acknowledged the marginally better Spicy Indian Penis and dumped you. The RAW agent was all tears, choked with guilt but Ali Azmat was reported to have bought extra supply of Vaseline to cement your strategic ties.

Sir your think tank (the Russian confiscated one) accuses RAW of everything including cases of miscarriages and erectile dysfunctions across Pakistan, the only justification would be, Indian agents poisoning the Indus water that flows into those regions. Brilliant!!! only you could converge geography, biology, geo- politics and History.

The list of your manufactured conspiracy theories could be frozen in time with a book called "Fantasies of a Retarded Jihadi"

Now that you plan on Hoisting the flag on the Red fort of Delhi, let me wish you luck after winning in Panipat that is. Your approach is inspired by Hitler without a shadow of doubt, Like you he too first got hold of the youth and then went on to do what he did but what you are forgetting is they were Germans and relied on education and technology, Hitler dint promise his people Men on white horses with swords fighting their enemies. Granted the Indian army ain't the best in the world but your men on horses would fall to their snipers after all.

If you stop collecting funds to aid your mentally challenged cause you could find employment as a clown in a western country. Take my word for it- Do it Now. And ya stop thinking of yourself as important enough to be assassinated by an intelligence agency Just because you'r self proclaimed alter ego calls himself a security analyst the one who nobody acknowledges including the Pakistani media. Granted you are the elite of your country. You know after all how to use a laptop, log on to google, create facebook pages, tweet and allow only approved comments on your rant videos on youtube still a 4th grade kid does that else where. Honestly nobody gives a fuck you know what the rest of the world has things to do like Work, Career, Jobs, family etc.

Trust me Sir start following Hassan Nisar, Pervez Hoodbhoy, Najam Sethi, Asghar Khan and sometime Imran Khan.

To conclude I would want to say: आपके पागलपन की वजह से, कही आपका IqBal का पाकिस्तान एक बाल का पाकिस्तान न हो जाये.


Jaate Jaate ek Sher

एक शेर अर्ज़ करता हु SIR:

आपके अल्फाजो में है क्या जादू??? आपके अल्फाजो में है क्या जादू???

बस तू मु खोल और में पादू.. dhooooooooooooooooooooooooos 

Love you Spam

To a Bitter-twitter, non MBA world, I thought of sparing you the agony of reading Arindham Chaudhry’s books on marketing in a first of its kind attempt to logically end the dispute of what Spam sells and what it doesn’t. Actually and factually everything sells. India by length, breadth, width and depth is a marketer’s dream canvas; you can without guilt, pound naïve masses with offerings of neo-physical importance less to the disappointment of the seller, the hope driven, eager to be uplifted Indian mind never disappoints. This isn’t only about celebrity spam; Jackie Shroff selling  ‘suraksha kawach’ at unearthly hours on TVC sky shop (following which he bagged the prestigious role in Dev Anand’s Chargsheet) and Arindham Chaudhry promising you a flourishing career with Free trips to the moon but about  all those people falling prey to the unknown Dick-enlarging, Wealth distributing, Match Making, Free MBA degree gifting, Jobs giving good Samaritans.

If you go by my inbox, you can wake up in a garage (not having seen a shooting star the previous night) and by night leave for Hawai islands to spend the rest of my life as millionaire playboy. All I’d have to do is pay $10 to add a few inches to break out of the great Indian small dick taboo, take a chunk of Bill Gates’ wealth being transferred to me via his illegitimate offspring in desolated parts of Africa, get in touch with the thermometer breaking, Hot and lonely singles in the vicinity looking for fun and fraandship. Not too sure how I would diplomatically say NO to Sergey and Larry, Narayanmurthy, Azim premji, Ratan Tata and the less persuasive Bill gates, all chasing me with job offers; Obviously for a six digit Indian salary. Few clicks away the cookie crumbles and if you rank slightly above the normal internet IQ you could set a filter in gmail to auto-delete/skip repetitive spammers.

The point is most part of the opportunity deprived populace carries a deep rooted urge of being saved by superman, and a local or Nigerian super-spammer-man gets you by your gut and makes you pay for it. Year on Year thousands of Indians fall prey to especially job-scandals and the best deals on Viagra (we will discuss that separately). Mails promising you job interviews in TCS, Infosys, Wipro, Microsoft, Google, Oracle, SUN etc. always ask you to deposit some amount in some PO Box number not used since the 1972 blockbuster Victoria No. 203. The more tech-savvy spammers would go the extra mile to register similar sounding domains (ex: www.jobsintatamotors.com). For as little as Rs. 1500 you can start fetching profiles from jobsites and monetizing every bit of information which is resold to marketers and spammers (by the way both are to be treated separately). WTF???

The Man Who can Save the country

Lets face it we are a nation who enjoy cheap thrills. Time and again we rejoice beating Pakistan in the world cup, Feel happy when the United States makes an anti Pakistan statement and go conveniently soft when questioned about China's growing aggression. Like the Joker in Batman said, "What happened ??? Did your balls drop off??" Little has changed since independence and our benaami democracy has triumphed more by chance than by choice.

All ruling parties of Maharashtra have done little besides vomiting on each other, conducting mass rallies of uneducated/deprived audiences, changing names of places, and the best commercial effort came by Shiv-Sena : the launch of Shiv-Vada pav. Mind you before the nephew cub went on with his anti north Indian rant, The same propaganda was a Shiv Sena Initiative. Never mind so they are united in their intentions and divided in their actions. despite this all stall operators of the Jumbo King competition continue to be North Indians. Cheap Labour you see. One regime made the difference Victoria terminus changed to chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj, Under the threat of violence scared Ronald was forced to incorporate  मच्डोनाल्द  with his original McDonald. I was surprised MNS men dint go mad with abnormalities with the Barakhadi.  Then Sharad Pawar and his Gang, and the forever hibernating congress everyone came together only to witness farmar after farmer continued to hang himself, That Naxalisim spread to pockets of Maharasthra and under the 40 ft banner of India shinning men continued to shit in the open for lack of sanitation.

For all going gaga over the development in Gujarat, and Hailing The US visa reject Narendra Modi as a coming of the next Prime Minister. It is so convenient to forget the massacre that still haunts the minority community in that state. Modi made development happen, So did Nitish Kumar ( and FilmyKabootar grades him in higher regard given the state of his state) But isn't development precisely the reason we elect these lathergic men to rule us? If modi has done development it is his Job to do so and personally for him it could mean redemption from the slaughter he sanctioned. (My statements are based on videos on youtube), People hail modi cause everybody else is too busy Milking Mother India. These guys love breast feeding dont they??? They'll suck for blood when mother India is out of Milk.

So I said we are a people of cheap thrills and small joys.

Anna Hazare Looked like hope but than the Lokpal was more of Jokepal reality show. Manipur Activist Sharmila Chanu has been fasting for 10 years 

Follow the link here

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/109728/manipur-activist-sharmila-completes-ten.html

and all India TV has to show is pigeons getting shot (even if it was oen of our fraternity stil... wtf???)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qNOIK4NNnY

why is there No media coverage for this Woman? Shiv Sena Men will strip down to their underwear in front of dilipkumar's house to protest against a pro-Lesbian movie, Will burn  buses in lieu of misplaced punctuations and grammatical errors, The south will fight for changing Names and over water but no-one will stand in solidarity with causes really confronting the nation.

Filmy Conclusion

Creation can be divided in 3 colours:

Black: the political, Industrial and Gangster class

White: Birds, animals and Trees

Shades of Grey: the Common Man (Mango person aka aam aadmi)

Jokes apart in all consideration the only hope left is this Man, Such is the leadership we need:

Anil Kapoor In Nayak

we need a chrachter like this one

Filmy Face Recognition Algorithim

Twins
1 Dalit
1 Brahman
How come???

Heroes of the Lokpal Protest

Why the Lokpal is becoming a JokePal?

Presenting to you, the Clowns of Lokpal

1. Aridham Chaudhry gave a speech at the Ramlila Maidan

when self procliamed Management Gurus start supporting the lokpal, there is reason to worry.

FK: Why is he dressed up like a chick?

    2. Rahul Gandhi Distributed Samosas

वैसे थो आम आदमी के रोटी तक खा जाते है ...और फटने पे समोसे बात रहे हो सर्कार
FK: चन्न समोसों की मदद से देश को खरीदने निकला था हराम्ज्यादा..... है! (amitabh bachan style)

    3. Manoj Tiwari showed up

Dude Seriously!!! My guess is some one Tricked him into this saying it was a political rally of UP/Bihar. 
His only other credentials would be making songs like Seher ki tittli (www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ2AOgwi9sY)
FK: Next time Guddu Rangila Puhleeej

    4.  Om Puri the 155mm howitzer
so what if he was drunk, he spoke his heart out I was actually expecting a Bhencod/Madarchod somewhere in his rant none the less Lokpal or No Om puri proved why actors who come from a theatre background always excel

FK: 21 Cannon Salute for the below satement

  आधे से ज्यादा नेता अनपढ़, जाहिल और गावर है

Conclusion:
- The tainted Management Guru gave his Idiotic Management Gyan
- The politician tried to win hearts with cheap freebies
- The Singer sang (I was actually expecting Bappi Lahiri, he has an innate nack of making situational songs)
- The actor showcased his theatrics


SOme people refuse to stay out of the lime light, Presence of audience is always an opportunity for cheap/ free publicity and we seen it Live, minute by minute coverage.

The Lokpal Movement

One of our fluttering correspondants over Ramlila maidan, Delhi, couldnt stay too far from the action. Because he was a low grade,less informed kabootar he sent out an SOS to the the Nest(filmy kabootar HQ)  claiming a reality show was on in full swing in Delhi. It was only a veteran kabootar's intervention that helped us get to the bottom of this mass scale event.

Honestly I cant tell the difference, Uprooting corruption is a necessity and Anna's original intention with the lokpal gets a 2 wing salute from our fraternity but because we are the only secular, democratic, metropolitan, unbiased beings here's our debate:

If Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Lokpal_Bill#Background) is to be believed, the lokpal looks very promising. I want to begin by asking a fundamental question:

1.       To establish a central government anti-corruption institution called Lokpal, supported by Lokayukta at the state level.

2.       As in the case of the Supreme Court and Cabinet Secretariat, the Lokpal will be supervised by the Cabinet Secretary and the Election Commission. As a result, it will be completely independent of the government and free from ministerial influence in its investigations.

As a democracy We the citizen morons select fellow wealthy morons to govern us. Elections as always will always be selecting the lesser of two or more evils, Shouldn’t the lokpal be mandating Serious parameters for those who wish to contest elections. Sadly everyone flows with the media showcased propaganda and everyones out on the streets. With Due respect to the deceased the loss of close to 300 lives in 26/11 had hoards of people walking out for candle Light vigils and Peace marches all over. Where were these candle light vigils and Peace protests when women and children were massacred in Gujarat??? And the architect of annihilation (and I Do not make this statement in randomness. Feel free to Youtube seach any issue pertaining this for personal gratification) stands chief minister today basking in the glory of development. WOW! Did anyone say Sau chuhe maarke billi Haj ko Chali.

The candle light protests and peace Marches managed to get Manu Sharma, the murderer of Jessica Lall behind bars. BRAVO! Nothing followed to monitor the number of times Manu Sharma was out on parole Justice done??? Maybe or May not be. The point here is the judiciary must be empowered to tighten measures to overcome the loopholes that are easily manipulated.

Now if the Lokpal is to be followed Im not too sure lokpal will allow tackling issues like these cause ultimately people too are as naïve as their emotions, with a pinch of salt they allow things to happen and sink into a make belief world of righteousness. It is the Judiciary that must be empowered people can be as stupid as their fantasies and it is here that we will let it happen. The law of the land must be imposed with an Iron Fist and methods to speed up the process of bringing justice amended and upgraded. Matters of the judiciary in the hands of the lokpal which would only be accountable to the cabinet secretary and Election Commission might be catastrophic.

3.       Members will be appointed by judges, Indian Administrative Service officers with a clean record, private citizens and constitutional authorities through a transparent and participatory process.

4.       A selection committee will invite shortlisted candidates for interviews, video recordings of which will thereafter be made public.

Getting elected to the Lokpal committee would then be adding another competitive exam on the lines of UPSC and MPSC. Instead if the Election Commission and the Supreme Court can Mandate the pre-requisites for an individual wanting to contest and election we could actually be talking sense. Lets face it corruption at an officer level hurts lesser than at a ministry level. The point about video recording interviews and releasing it later is simply adding a reality show element to the Lokpal.

5.      Every month on its website, the Lokayukta will publish a list of cases dealt with, brief details of each, their outcome and any action taken or proposed. It will also publish lists of all cases received by the Lokayukta during the previous month, cases dealt with and those which are pending.

Is the Lokayukta trying to be a parallel legal system or a mere middleman? Justice is delayed, denied because people wont come out and present evidence like it should be, If the Lokpal can enforce the witness protection program and other provisions already in place then we might have something in place

6.      Investigations of each case must be completed in one year. Any resulting trials should be concluded in the following year, giving a total maximum process time of two years.

No comments

7.      Losses caused to the government by a corrupt individual will be recovered at the time of conviction.

Here is the problem. Getting them convicted, The law is twisted and the accused get away with less intensive charges. The individual might land up paying just a fraction of the total amount in propotion to the degree of offense he is proven guilty for.

8.       Government office work required by a citizen that is not completed within a prescribed time period will result in Lokpal imposing financial penalties on those responsible, which will then be given as compensation to the complainant.

9.       Complaints against any officer of Lokpal will be investigated and completed within a month and, if found to be substantive, will result in the officer being dismissed within two months.

10.   The existing anti-corruption agencies (CVC, departmental vigilance and the anti-corruption branch of the CBI) will be merged into Lokpal which will have complete power and authority to independently investigate and prosecute any officer, judge or politician.

11.   Whistleblowers who alert the agency to potential corruption cases will also be provided with protection by it.

Another critical flaw of the system would be granting autonomy to the committee to an extent that allows the Lokpal Committee to question and overpower the prime minister. Dude seriously??? Our Prime ministers have been more or less good. it is usually the lower grade land grabbing politicians who are wiping their ass with the countries flag.

Wasted Charachters- Because the Script Demanded

One More list from me and this time it is about women who played roles in movies that had nothing to do with them, Sure the movie could have done without them, but then Bollywood is incomplete without the feminine touch:

1. Dia Mirza in Shootout at Lokhandwala:
A male Reporter would have looked just as good but then Dia Mirza joined the shooting party.

2. Deepal Shaw in A Wednesday
I will blame Nasseruddin Shah in this case, of all the women reporters hechosse deepal shaw to call up for such a noble cause. Her ascent could have well ruined the entire planning, but then the rub of the green went the old mans way.

3. Neha Dupia in Qayamat
The movie could have been named THE COCK in retribution to the original inspiration THE ROCK. Somehow Neha Dupia convinces Ajay Devgan to Save hostages and Bombay. How she does it? is interesting, she bribes him with Love. Sob Sob

4. Jia Khan in Ghajini
Eager to Please a suffering man she runs around from pillar to post throughout the movie, Sorry for her the villian doesn't care and the hero doesn't remember.

5. Pooja Bhat in Border
Sharbani Mukherjee like Pooja Bhat also got a song in the movie but at the end of it she conceived. Tabu got her Husband back. Pooja Bhat had nothing to cheer except victory. No offense to the intent of the movie but hell the Battle of loungewala could have done without the melodrama

6. Neha Dupia again in Singh is King
I was just reminded she had intermittent appearances.

7. Vidya Balan in Guru
 Seriously Why??? For that one smooch scene ?????


8. All Women in LOC
Couldnt Kargil have done without half of Bollywood heroines???

Bollywood and Colleges

The way colleges and college life has been depicted in movies over the years has inspired scores of on campus dress codes, trends and cultures that have dominated that era.

Now I think Bollywood is reaching its stage of equilibrium and over the years has subdued its instinct of personifying campus life. From the early 80s to now, three generations of Bollywood have left disturbing traces of anything in the name of art.

From the eighties till, before the beginning of 21st century every movie with college relevance would have the below:

Every college scene in any movie always had these bunch of not necessarily pretty women but women, mind you women in college with raunchy dressing playing basket ball, dribbling with both hands, cheering the college macho some of them with two plats and soda bottle glasses all of this to make that one heroine look super beautiful. Right, so many women and then there’s this one stud in college playing the guitar in a way that would make jimmy Hendrix cry in his grave, the nice guy who stands against the injustice and tyranny of ragging and other on campus social evils. Such good men on campus have inspired hair styles over generations from colossal side locks to puffed hair and mullets, to spiked hair this trend keeps changing. However what doesn’t change is this stud’s inevitable eloping with the college queen as they fight all odds together, battle family disputes all for love. The worst comes when the supposed hero just breaks out dancing (when he could say the same thing) to proclaim love and hate, and keeps dancing around the campus to lure this one supermodel in college, throughout 80% of the song she’s not interested and towards the end when she can take it no more submits to the will of the hunk.  

Read full story on http://www.gyancentral.com/editorial/item/112-the-symbiotic-relationship-of-bollywood-with-colleges-in-india

Happy Birthday Mithunda

Today the 16th of June, Besides marking the official release of this post is also the day when Mimoh's father Celebrates his birthday. If real life was Sholay then Bappi Lahiri was gabbar and Mithunda, basanti. Of course Dharmendra was the national Award. :)

Mithun danced to Bappis tunes to win the national award. 

Of the Numerous national awards he has won for commercially successful movies I personally Love him for movies that won his audience gallantry awards for going through the entire film. I dont know what real success does to people, According to Maslows Heirarchy of needs human behavious flows in  the following way (Diagram attached For Non-MBAs) Today on his birthday we shall credit him for art not monetized well, whikle simultaneously trying to decipher this mans correlation with Human wants.

Once a person meets his basic physiological, Security and social needs a Man strives for Esteem beyond which he seeks Self Actualization. Like Shahrukh Khan moved on from his Butt show ZGraded Maya Memsaab to musically acclaimed Mohobatein. Mithun on the other hand moved from National Award winning Agneepath and Disco Dancer to Shapath, Chandal,   and the all time cult classic GUNDA. 

Kanti Shah Loyalist might argue Gunda out performed every other Mithun Work, but for the sake of contradiction I'd argue Shapath was just as good if not better. In my opinion it is the Triveni Sangam (Confluence of three Large Rivers of India) of Motion Pictures. Jackie Shroff, Mithun Chakroborty and the largest Royalty earner from Auto-Rickshaw Stereos Altaf Raja. Well supported by stars such as Harish (picture attached for visual pleasure) who by the time shapath was released quit all attempts of sporting a mustache. So the movie flows on the river of confusion and revenge. harish gets killed by the bad guys, His brother Retired Army Commando Mithun (Now a drunkard with long hair) in quest of avenging his death goes in search of and Jaggu Dada whos not the real bad guy but works with them. Their Powers Unite and together they overcome the forces of evil. As they move from strength to strength Altaf dances with women in florescent undergarments covered in white cloth Just for the sake of entertaining two good guys taking on a town full of goons. 

As it always happen it ends in the triumph of good over evil.

Now here is my argument

If the national awards won him Esteem, Mithun made movies with Kanti Shah for Self Actualization???????????

Nobody knows why it happened but some reason it just did. 

However it maybe the man has been relentlessly entertaining every eyeball. Happy Birthday 

The 90s Chronicle: Rise of One man shows

This post however is an insight into  how everything in the Ninties was so interconnected, Cricket, Politics and Bollywood.

Sluggish as things have been here, the governments enormous delay in procuring Toyota Qualises for Mumbai Police have caused just as many casualties on screen. With the Police force of the Nineties without choice arriving late at the crime screen only to handcuff the bad guys who had already been beaten up to his grave by one man armed with "Maa ka ashirwad" and the supporting actor (usually true friend) dying an emotional death in the bargain, On another field at the same time little tendulkar as he was coming to consensus with puberty  stood Alone fighting tournaments, while other members were overcoming the joy of FREE Air-Travel and Accommodation. Nevertheless tail enders picked up singles to finish  matches. So while tendulkar was blasting bowlers away, the broken arrows of Bollywood  Sunny and Suni(el) were wrecking havoc on individuals, goons and National armies with their right arm tied behind their back through that decade. Little did they know that hairy chest was soon to run out of fashion and a stammering delhi boy would stammer his way into the hearts of hindi speaking India the same analogy with a little tweak continued to the political stage with Mr. Atal Bihari Vajpayee becoming the Prime Minister. Wow! Im glad the duo for the sake of time value of  Money dint indulge in a Tete-a-tete. So its no real surprise Now that Katrina is at the Center Stage of Bollywood, Sonia Gandhi is the almost Prime Minister. Similarities ??? Maybe Natural Patterns of Nature.

Anu Malik deserves a special spot in History for this one!!!

For Starters: Anu Mallik: Who came up with a first name ANU for a guy
His music is the aftermath of childhood ragging in school.


Alisha Chinoy: Singer+Actress=Seductress | Every song she sang in the early nineties was a Mass Seduction Campaign ( more covered in a separate topic on ALisha Chinoy) .

who wrote the lyrics? how does it matter... anu and alisha
Put these 2 together and this is what you get:

Film: Khuddar Starring: GOVINDA and KARISHMA KAPOOR
It goes like this, the bad guys are hunting for a beauty to star in their next porn production
and
then the curtains open to this:::::::::::::::::::::


ti ti tiii Music Ti ti ti t ittit it ti t ti Music


(An over joyed karishma Kapoor, in an embroidreid onepiece swim suit with frills, throwing flying kisses jumps on stage, does a few initial warm up moves on stage before anu mallik disguised as a stage dancer shows up sayin...
Anu Mallik: Hi Sexy Hellooooo Sexy...Listen Sexy watchH you doing tonite ??? 




Alisha Chinoy: O Shut up 
Anu Mallik: Hey come on lets have dinner ok ??? 
Alisha Chinoyi: With you ???? F - O 
Anu Mallik: Whatttttt? 
Alisha Chinoy: i mean F on a O (ting ting ting... Drums) no no  
नीली नीली आन्खेइ मेरी में क्या करू?
गोरे गोरे गाल मेरे में क्या करू ? 
होठ मेरे लाल लाल में क्या करू? 
काले काले बाल मेरे में क्या करू? 
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े 


Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 
Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???
Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???


CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले?
Alisha Chinai: माना में हु सेक्सी very सेक्सी ऊह ला ला Sorry sorry दिल पे मेरे लग चूका ताला
मामा मिया अल्लाह अल्लाह ये क्या किया


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa


Alisha Chinoy: मुझ को beautiful बना के tension क्यू दिया???


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya याआआआआ


Alisha chinoy: साला में तो पागल हो गयी इतनी Sexy होकर
अपनी हे जवानी से अब लगता है डर
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 

Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???

Alisha Chinoy: Oooh la la

A B C D 1 2 3 4 we'll be winking Jack and GIll

जहा भी जाऊ जिधर भी जाऊ लड़के मांगे मेरा दिल

BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के

CHORUS: BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के

Alisha Chinoy: रोज़ हे आते है मुझको शादी के ऑफर

Rolls Royce देते है मुझको Darling BIg show पर

BOMBSHELL BOMBSHELL बोले सब बोले किशमिश

Itallian, Chinese oooh whadaa DISH???

Million DOllars Smile मेरी सब ये कहते है

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: अरे उप्पर से नीचे मुझको देखा करते है!!

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: आशिक मुझको ख़त me लिखते है होतो पर बेबाक

तेरे लिए अपनी बीवी को दे दू तलाक

चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 

Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???