CYRUS MISTRY LOOK ALIKE

CYRUS MITY LOOKS LIkE MANU SHARMA- (Jessica lal murderer)

Open Letter to Zaid Hamid

Dear Zaid Hamid, 

If in any form material or abstract, This planet could do its bit to show its gratitude to the seamen that lubricates your throat,the Pope would probably do a lap-dance for Paris Hilton; for that alone has empowered your rise to fame, your ability to relentlessly use your Vocal Chords. 

You Sir have joined the esteemed league of Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black 

1. for making it big via the Internet using your Globally substandard and Ethnically superior Oratory skills

2. for sounding like a 14 yr old wanting to pull down the pantie of a 18 yr old 

With due respect to your followers who conferred Knighthood upon you with the non islamic title "Sir" I will carry the same forward throughout the letter (Note: in my case it is to be considered a shorter version of "SirFira") 

I understand you come from a Islamic GiJoe family with your ancestry rooting back to the favorite Lion poo cleaner at the court of Babur(he too was a soldier), to your father who worked as a trainer to young British immigrant kids on the use of combat knives to make kebabs across different terrains. Despite having the military Olive green blood Flowing to your testicles through your yet-to-be-tracked brains You Sir were rejected from the (wait a minute) Pakistan Army??? and under the sorry excuse of eyesight??? How could they simply piss on your the fire of your desire? Deemed inappropriate for combat operations You Sir at the age of 22 set out to confront your post menstrual mood swings and undertook the daring Afghan Jihad and drove the soviets all the way back to Moscow all this without direct divine help (no saviors on white horses, No Sylvester Stallone from Rambo, no Tom Hanks from Charlie Wilson's War giving you stinger missiles)  and your squint vision. Not surprisingly the soviets crumbled. Prior to that Sir, you did manage to pass your Engineering from Najayeez Kasai Institute of Bomb making and Kalashnikov Repairing. But at the age of 22 you set out for glory and spent the next 6 years as a stone age man in the Tora Bora caves of Afghanistan. Fighting with the soviets as a supporting function to the Afghan Jihad you relentlessly pleased the tired jihadis with your motivational speeches and as a make do apparatus for their Libido control. You will be rewarded a few hundred Virgins (probably cattle) in heaven.

Zaid Hamid at his best

Now at the age of 28 that you returned a tired fighter and no real work experience to back your engineering degree. You worked as a security technician fitting camera and fire alarms in the very few Pakistani companies who actually could afford these. Being turned down as a spokesperson cum security analyst  by the Taliban, Lashkar-e-Taiba and the other local governing bodies of your "Mulk" you Sir continued to battle the odds. Despite the post War syndrome taking a dangerous turn into schizophrenia, your determination and unknown source of funding seen you found Brasstacks a Security analyst firm.

Deprived from the world like an Indian Shudhra in the 1800s you made your schizophrenia a shield of Hope for all the mislead, ill Informed Pakistani youth. Joining your cause were the out of the lime light Ali Azmat and Maria B finding ways to get their faces back on PTv. In you they confide and with you they'll swim through the tide. While CIA, RAW and Mossad agents were to busy conspiring against the state of Pakistan the issue you have closely monitored, you built your Counter intelligence services to gain access to first hand information across troubled zones. They  worked day and night in invisible mode only to send you pictures and videos of the Non-circumcised Penis of all these Zionist agents working against your interests in Baluchistan and Waziristan. These images and home shot videos, you broadcasted on the Media of Jewish Origin- Facebook, youtube, twitter and Google. Your  bum-chum Ali Azmat also went to the extent of calling John Lenon a CIA agent and inspiring the world to tune their guitars to a Zionist frequency so eventually the Neo-Con-Zionist regimes would take over the Oil cause frankly after that why would they be interested?

Not to mention your testimony in Lahore family court where you accused your now estranged wife of physically eloping with an Indian RAW agent. The bollywood (gangster movie inspired, formulated in Tel Aviv and financed by the CIA ) plot to get into the soft books of Mrs. Zaid Hamid and do her in broad day light was to simply realise the "Pakistan ki Maa chodni hai" dream. And as planned your wife's deprivation due to your retardation, acknowledged the marginally better Spicy Indian Penis and dumped you. The RAW agent was all tears, choked with guilt but Ali Azmat was reported to have bought extra supply of Vaseline to cement your strategic ties.

Sir your think tank (the Russian confiscated one) accuses RAW of everything including cases of miscarriages and erectile dysfunctions across Pakistan, the only justification would be, Indian agents poisoning the Indus water that flows into those regions. Brilliant!!! only you could converge geography, biology, geo- politics and History.

The list of your manufactured conspiracy theories could be frozen in time with a book called "Fantasies of a Retarded Jihadi"

Now that you plan on Hoisting the flag on the Red fort of Delhi, let me wish you luck after winning in Panipat that is. Your approach is inspired by Hitler without a shadow of doubt, Like you he too first got hold of the youth and then went on to do what he did but what you are forgetting is they were Germans and relied on education and technology, Hitler dint promise his people Men on white horses with swords fighting their enemies. Granted the Indian army ain't the best in the world but your men on horses would fall to their snipers after all.

If you stop collecting funds to aid your mentally challenged cause you could find employment as a clown in a western country. Take my word for it- Do it Now. And ya stop thinking of yourself as important enough to be assassinated by an intelligence agency Just because you'r self proclaimed alter ego calls himself a security analyst the one who nobody acknowledges including the Pakistani media. Granted you are the elite of your country. You know after all how to use a laptop, log on to google, create facebook pages, tweet and allow only approved comments on your rant videos on youtube still a 4th grade kid does that else where. Honestly nobody gives a fuck you know what the rest of the world has things to do like Work, Career, Jobs, family etc.

Trust me Sir start following Hassan Nisar, Pervez Hoodbhoy, Najam Sethi, Asghar Khan and sometime Imran Khan.

To conclude I would want to say: आपके पागलपन की वजह से, कही आपका IqBal का पाकिस्तान एक बाल का पाकिस्तान न हो जाये.


Jaate Jaate ek Sher

एक शेर अर्ज़ करता हु SIR:

आपके अल्फाजो में है क्या जादू??? आपके अल्फाजो में है क्या जादू???

बस तू मु खोल और में पादू.. dhooooooooooooooooooooooooos 

Love you Spam

To a Bitter-twitter, non MBA world, I thought of sparing you the agony of reading Arindham Chaudhry’s books on marketing in a first of its kind attempt to logically end the dispute of what Spam sells and what it doesn’t. Actually and factually everything sells. India by length, breadth, width and depth is a marketer’s dream canvas; you can without guilt, pound naïve masses with offerings of neo-physical importance less to the disappointment of the seller, the hope driven, eager to be uplifted Indian mind never disappoints. This isn’t only about celebrity spam; Jackie Shroff selling  ‘suraksha kawach’ at unearthly hours on TVC sky shop (following which he bagged the prestigious role in Dev Anand’s Chargsheet) and Arindham Chaudhry promising you a flourishing career with Free trips to the moon but about  all those people falling prey to the unknown Dick-enlarging, Wealth distributing, Match Making, Free MBA degree gifting, Jobs giving good Samaritans.

If you go by my inbox, you can wake up in a garage (not having seen a shooting star the previous night) and by night leave for Hawai islands to spend the rest of my life as millionaire playboy. All I’d have to do is pay $10 to add a few inches to break out of the great Indian small dick taboo, take a chunk of Bill Gates’ wealth being transferred to me via his illegitimate offspring in desolated parts of Africa, get in touch with the thermometer breaking, Hot and lonely singles in the vicinity looking for fun and fraandship. Not too sure how I would diplomatically say NO to Sergey and Larry, Narayanmurthy, Azim premji, Ratan Tata and the less persuasive Bill gates, all chasing me with job offers; Obviously for a six digit Indian salary. Few clicks away the cookie crumbles and if you rank slightly above the normal internet IQ you could set a filter in gmail to auto-delete/skip repetitive spammers.

The point is most part of the opportunity deprived populace carries a deep rooted urge of being saved by superman, and a local or Nigerian super-spammer-man gets you by your gut and makes you pay for it. Year on Year thousands of Indians fall prey to especially job-scandals and the best deals on Viagra (we will discuss that separately). Mails promising you job interviews in TCS, Infosys, Wipro, Microsoft, Google, Oracle, SUN etc. always ask you to deposit some amount in some PO Box number not used since the 1972 blockbuster Victoria No. 203. The more tech-savvy spammers would go the extra mile to register similar sounding domains (ex: www.jobsintatamotors.com). For as little as Rs. 1500 you can start fetching profiles from jobsites and monetizing every bit of information which is resold to marketers and spammers (by the way both are to be treated separately). WTF???

The Man Who can Save the country

Lets face it we are a nation who enjoy cheap thrills. Time and again we rejoice beating Pakistan in the world cup, Feel happy when the United States makes an anti Pakistan statement and go conveniently soft when questioned about China's growing aggression. Like the Joker in Batman said, "What happened ??? Did your balls drop off??" Little has changed since independence and our benaami democracy has triumphed more by chance than by choice.

All ruling parties of Maharashtra have done little besides vomiting on each other, conducting mass rallies of uneducated/deprived audiences, changing names of places, and the best commercial effort came by Shiv-Sena : the launch of Shiv-Vada pav. Mind you before the nephew cub went on with his anti north Indian rant, The same propaganda was a Shiv Sena Initiative. Never mind so they are united in their intentions and divided in their actions. despite this all stall operators of the Jumbo King competition continue to be North Indians. Cheap Labour you see. One regime made the difference Victoria terminus changed to chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj, Under the threat of violence scared Ronald was forced to incorporate  मच्डोनाल्द  with his original McDonald. I was surprised MNS men dint go mad with abnormalities with the Barakhadi.  Then Sharad Pawar and his Gang, and the forever hibernating congress everyone came together only to witness farmar after farmer continued to hang himself, That Naxalisim spread to pockets of Maharasthra and under the 40 ft banner of India shinning men continued to shit in the open for lack of sanitation.

For all going gaga over the development in Gujarat, and Hailing The US visa reject Narendra Modi as a coming of the next Prime Minister. It is so convenient to forget the massacre that still haunts the minority community in that state. Modi made development happen, So did Nitish Kumar ( and FilmyKabootar grades him in higher regard given the state of his state) But isn't development precisely the reason we elect these lathergic men to rule us? If modi has done development it is his Job to do so and personally for him it could mean redemption from the slaughter he sanctioned. (My statements are based on videos on youtube), People hail modi cause everybody else is too busy Milking Mother India. These guys love breast feeding dont they??? They'll suck for blood when mother India is out of Milk.

So I said we are a people of cheap thrills and small joys.

Anna Hazare Looked like hope but than the Lokpal was more of Jokepal reality show. Manipur Activist Sharmila Chanu has been fasting for 10 years 

Follow the link here

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/109728/manipur-activist-sharmila-completes-ten.html

and all India TV has to show is pigeons getting shot (even if it was oen of our fraternity stil... wtf???)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qNOIK4NNnY

why is there No media coverage for this Woman? Shiv Sena Men will strip down to their underwear in front of dilipkumar's house to protest against a pro-Lesbian movie, Will burn  buses in lieu of misplaced punctuations and grammatical errors, The south will fight for changing Names and over water but no-one will stand in solidarity with causes really confronting the nation.

Filmy Conclusion

Creation can be divided in 3 colours:

Black: the political, Industrial and Gangster class

White: Birds, animals and Trees

Shades of Grey: the Common Man (Mango person aka aam aadmi)

Jokes apart in all consideration the only hope left is this Man, Such is the leadership we need:

Anil Kapoor In Nayak

we need a chrachter like this one

Filmy Face Recognition Algorithim

Twins
1 Dalit
1 Brahman
How come???

Heroes of the Lokpal Protest

Why the Lokpal is becoming a JokePal?

Presenting to you, the Clowns of Lokpal

1. Aridham Chaudhry gave a speech at the Ramlila Maidan

when self procliamed Management Gurus start supporting the lokpal, there is reason to worry.

FK: Why is he dressed up like a chick?

    2. Rahul Gandhi Distributed Samosas

वैसे थो आम आदमी के रोटी तक खा जाते है ...और फटने पे समोसे बात रहे हो सर्कार
FK: चन्न समोसों की मदद से देश को खरीदने निकला था हराम्ज्यादा..... है! (amitabh bachan style)

    3. Manoj Tiwari showed up

Dude Seriously!!! My guess is some one Tricked him into this saying it was a political rally of UP/Bihar. 
His only other credentials would be making songs like Seher ki tittli (www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ2AOgwi9sY)
FK: Next time Guddu Rangila Puhleeej

    4.  Om Puri the 155mm howitzer
so what if he was drunk, he spoke his heart out I was actually expecting a Bhencod/Madarchod somewhere in his rant none the less Lokpal or No Om puri proved why actors who come from a theatre background always excel

FK: 21 Cannon Salute for the below satement

  आधे से ज्यादा नेता अनपढ़, जाहिल और गावर है

Conclusion:
- The tainted Management Guru gave his Idiotic Management Gyan
- The politician tried to win hearts with cheap freebies
- The Singer sang (I was actually expecting Bappi Lahiri, he has an innate nack of making situational songs)
- The actor showcased his theatrics


SOme people refuse to stay out of the lime light, Presence of audience is always an opportunity for cheap/ free publicity and we seen it Live, minute by minute coverage.

The Lokpal Movement

One of our fluttering correspondants over Ramlila maidan, Delhi, couldnt stay too far from the action. Because he was a low grade,less informed kabootar he sent out an SOS to the the Nest(filmy kabootar HQ)  claiming a reality show was on in full swing in Delhi. It was only a veteran kabootar's intervention that helped us get to the bottom of this mass scale event.

Honestly I cant tell the difference, Uprooting corruption is a necessity and Anna's original intention with the lokpal gets a 2 wing salute from our fraternity but because we are the only secular, democratic, metropolitan, unbiased beings here's our debate:

If Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Lokpal_Bill#Background) is to be believed, the lokpal looks very promising. I want to begin by asking a fundamental question:

1.       To establish a central government anti-corruption institution called Lokpal, supported by Lokayukta at the state level.

2.       As in the case of the Supreme Court and Cabinet Secretariat, the Lokpal will be supervised by the Cabinet Secretary and the Election Commission. As a result, it will be completely independent of the government and free from ministerial influence in its investigations.

As a democracy We the citizen morons select fellow wealthy morons to govern us. Elections as always will always be selecting the lesser of two or more evils, Shouldn’t the lokpal be mandating Serious parameters for those who wish to contest elections. Sadly everyone flows with the media showcased propaganda and everyones out on the streets. With Due respect to the deceased the loss of close to 300 lives in 26/11 had hoards of people walking out for candle Light vigils and Peace marches all over. Where were these candle light vigils and Peace protests when women and children were massacred in Gujarat??? And the architect of annihilation (and I Do not make this statement in randomness. Feel free to Youtube seach any issue pertaining this for personal gratification) stands chief minister today basking in the glory of development. WOW! Did anyone say Sau chuhe maarke billi Haj ko Chali.

The candle light protests and peace Marches managed to get Manu Sharma, the murderer of Jessica Lall behind bars. BRAVO! Nothing followed to monitor the number of times Manu Sharma was out on parole Justice done??? Maybe or May not be. The point here is the judiciary must be empowered to tighten measures to overcome the loopholes that are easily manipulated.

Now if the Lokpal is to be followed Im not too sure lokpal will allow tackling issues like these cause ultimately people too are as naïve as their emotions, with a pinch of salt they allow things to happen and sink into a make belief world of righteousness. It is the Judiciary that must be empowered people can be as stupid as their fantasies and it is here that we will let it happen. The law of the land must be imposed with an Iron Fist and methods to speed up the process of bringing justice amended and upgraded. Matters of the judiciary in the hands of the lokpal which would only be accountable to the cabinet secretary and Election Commission might be catastrophic.

3.       Members will be appointed by judges, Indian Administrative Service officers with a clean record, private citizens and constitutional authorities through a transparent and participatory process.

4.       A selection committee will invite shortlisted candidates for interviews, video recordings of which will thereafter be made public.

Getting elected to the Lokpal committee would then be adding another competitive exam on the lines of UPSC and MPSC. Instead if the Election Commission and the Supreme Court can Mandate the pre-requisites for an individual wanting to contest and election we could actually be talking sense. Lets face it corruption at an officer level hurts lesser than at a ministry level. The point about video recording interviews and releasing it later is simply adding a reality show element to the Lokpal.

5.      Every month on its website, the Lokayukta will publish a list of cases dealt with, brief details of each, their outcome and any action taken or proposed. It will also publish lists of all cases received by the Lokayukta during the previous month, cases dealt with and those which are pending.

Is the Lokayukta trying to be a parallel legal system or a mere middleman? Justice is delayed, denied because people wont come out and present evidence like it should be, If the Lokpal can enforce the witness protection program and other provisions already in place then we might have something in place

6.      Investigations of each case must be completed in one year. Any resulting trials should be concluded in the following year, giving a total maximum process time of two years.

No comments

7.      Losses caused to the government by a corrupt individual will be recovered at the time of conviction.

Here is the problem. Getting them convicted, The law is twisted and the accused get away with less intensive charges. The individual might land up paying just a fraction of the total amount in propotion to the degree of offense he is proven guilty for.

8.       Government office work required by a citizen that is not completed within a prescribed time period will result in Lokpal imposing financial penalties on those responsible, which will then be given as compensation to the complainant.

9.       Complaints against any officer of Lokpal will be investigated and completed within a month and, if found to be substantive, will result in the officer being dismissed within two months.

10.   The existing anti-corruption agencies (CVC, departmental vigilance and the anti-corruption branch of the CBI) will be merged into Lokpal which will have complete power and authority to independently investigate and prosecute any officer, judge or politician.

11.   Whistleblowers who alert the agency to potential corruption cases will also be provided with protection by it.

Another critical flaw of the system would be granting autonomy to the committee to an extent that allows the Lokpal Committee to question and overpower the prime minister. Dude seriously??? Our Prime ministers have been more or less good. it is usually the lower grade land grabbing politicians who are wiping their ass with the countries flag.

Wasted Charachters- Because the Script Demanded

One More list from me and this time it is about women who played roles in movies that had nothing to do with them, Sure the movie could have done without them, but then Bollywood is incomplete without the feminine touch:

1. Dia Mirza in Shootout at Lokhandwala:
A male Reporter would have looked just as good but then Dia Mirza joined the shooting party.

2. Deepal Shaw in A Wednesday
I will blame Nasseruddin Shah in this case, of all the women reporters hechosse deepal shaw to call up for such a noble cause. Her ascent could have well ruined the entire planning, but then the rub of the green went the old mans way.

3. Neha Dupia in Qayamat
The movie could have been named THE COCK in retribution to the original inspiration THE ROCK. Somehow Neha Dupia convinces Ajay Devgan to Save hostages and Bombay. How she does it? is interesting, she bribes him with Love. Sob Sob

4. Jia Khan in Ghajini
Eager to Please a suffering man she runs around from pillar to post throughout the movie, Sorry for her the villian doesn't care and the hero doesn't remember.

5. Pooja Bhat in Border
Sharbani Mukherjee like Pooja Bhat also got a song in the movie but at the end of it she conceived. Tabu got her Husband back. Pooja Bhat had nothing to cheer except victory. No offense to the intent of the movie but hell the Battle of loungewala could have done without the melodrama

6. Neha Dupia again in Singh is King
I was just reminded she had intermittent appearances.

7. Vidya Balan in Guru
 Seriously Why??? For that one smooch scene ?????


8. All Women in LOC
Couldnt Kargil have done without half of Bollywood heroines???

Bollywood and Colleges

The way colleges and college life has been depicted in movies over the years has inspired scores of on campus dress codes, trends and cultures that have dominated that era.

Now I think Bollywood is reaching its stage of equilibrium and over the years has subdued its instinct of personifying campus life. From the early 80s to now, three generations of Bollywood have left disturbing traces of anything in the name of art.

From the eighties till, before the beginning of 21st century every movie with college relevance would have the below:

Every college scene in any movie always had these bunch of not necessarily pretty women but women, mind you women in college with raunchy dressing playing basket ball, dribbling with both hands, cheering the college macho some of them with two plats and soda bottle glasses all of this to make that one heroine look super beautiful. Right, so many women and then there’s this one stud in college playing the guitar in a way that would make jimmy Hendrix cry in his grave, the nice guy who stands against the injustice and tyranny of ragging and other on campus social evils. Such good men on campus have inspired hair styles over generations from colossal side locks to puffed hair and mullets, to spiked hair this trend keeps changing. However what doesn’t change is this stud’s inevitable eloping with the college queen as they fight all odds together, battle family disputes all for love. The worst comes when the supposed hero just breaks out dancing (when he could say the same thing) to proclaim love and hate, and keeps dancing around the campus to lure this one supermodel in college, throughout 80% of the song she’s not interested and towards the end when she can take it no more submits to the will of the hunk.  

Read full story on http://www.gyancentral.com/editorial/item/112-the-symbiotic-relationship-of-bollywood-with-colleges-in-india

Happy Birthday Mithunda

Today the 16th of June, Besides marking the official release of this post is also the day when Mimoh's father Celebrates his birthday. If real life was Sholay then Bappi Lahiri was gabbar and Mithunda, basanti. Of course Dharmendra was the national Award. :)

Mithun danced to Bappis tunes to win the national award. 

Of the Numerous national awards he has won for commercially successful movies I personally Love him for movies that won his audience gallantry awards for going through the entire film. I dont know what real success does to people, According to Maslows Heirarchy of needs human behavious flows in  the following way (Diagram attached For Non-MBAs) Today on his birthday we shall credit him for art not monetized well, whikle simultaneously trying to decipher this mans correlation with Human wants.

Once a person meets his basic physiological, Security and social needs a Man strives for Esteem beyond which he seeks Self Actualization. Like Shahrukh Khan moved on from his Butt show ZGraded Maya Memsaab to musically acclaimed Mohobatein. Mithun on the other hand moved from National Award winning Agneepath and Disco Dancer to Shapath, Chandal,   and the all time cult classic GUNDA. 

Kanti Shah Loyalist might argue Gunda out performed every other Mithun Work, but for the sake of contradiction I'd argue Shapath was just as good if not better. In my opinion it is the Triveni Sangam (Confluence of three Large Rivers of India) of Motion Pictures. Jackie Shroff, Mithun Chakroborty and the largest Royalty earner from Auto-Rickshaw Stereos Altaf Raja. Well supported by stars such as Harish (picture attached for visual pleasure) who by the time shapath was released quit all attempts of sporting a mustache. So the movie flows on the river of confusion and revenge. harish gets killed by the bad guys, His brother Retired Army Commando Mithun (Now a drunkard with long hair) in quest of avenging his death goes in search of and Jaggu Dada whos not the real bad guy but works with them. Their Powers Unite and together they overcome the forces of evil. As they move from strength to strength Altaf dances with women in florescent undergarments covered in white cloth Just for the sake of entertaining two good guys taking on a town full of goons. 

As it always happen it ends in the triumph of good over evil.

Now here is my argument

If the national awards won him Esteem, Mithun made movies with Kanti Shah for Self Actualization???????????

Nobody knows why it happened but some reason it just did. 

However it maybe the man has been relentlessly entertaining every eyeball. Happy Birthday 

The 90s Chronicle: Rise of One man shows

This post however is an insight into  how everything in the Ninties was so interconnected, Cricket, Politics and Bollywood.

Sluggish as things have been here, the governments enormous delay in procuring Toyota Qualises for Mumbai Police have caused just as many casualties on screen. With the Police force of the Nineties without choice arriving late at the crime screen only to handcuff the bad guys who had already been beaten up to his grave by one man armed with "Maa ka ashirwad" and the supporting actor (usually true friend) dying an emotional death in the bargain, On another field at the same time little tendulkar as he was coming to consensus with puberty  stood Alone fighting tournaments, while other members were overcoming the joy of FREE Air-Travel and Accommodation. Nevertheless tail enders picked up singles to finish  matches. So while tendulkar was blasting bowlers away, the broken arrows of Bollywood  Sunny and Suni(el) were wrecking havoc on individuals, goons and National armies with their right arm tied behind their back through that decade. Little did they know that hairy chest was soon to run out of fashion and a stammering delhi boy would stammer his way into the hearts of hindi speaking India the same analogy with a little tweak continued to the political stage with Mr. Atal Bihari Vajpayee becoming the Prime Minister. Wow! Im glad the duo for the sake of time value of  Money dint indulge in a Tete-a-tete. So its no real surprise Now that Katrina is at the Center Stage of Bollywood, Sonia Gandhi is the almost Prime Minister. Similarities ??? Maybe Natural Patterns of Nature.

Anu Malik deserves a special spot in History for this one!!!

For Starters: Anu Mallik: Who came up with a first name ANU for a guy
His music is the aftermath of childhood ragging in school.


Alisha Chinoy: Singer+Actress=Seductress | Every song she sang in the early nineties was a Mass Seduction Campaign ( more covered in a separate topic on ALisha Chinoy) .

who wrote the lyrics? how does it matter... anu and alisha
Put these 2 together and this is what you get:

Film: Khuddar Starring: GOVINDA and KARISHMA KAPOOR
It goes like this, the bad guys are hunting for a beauty to star in their next porn production
and
then the curtains open to this:::::::::::::::::::::


ti ti tiii Music Ti ti ti t ittit it ti t ti Music


(An over joyed karishma Kapoor, in an embroidreid onepiece swim suit with frills, throwing flying kisses jumps on stage, does a few initial warm up moves on stage before anu mallik disguised as a stage dancer shows up sayin...
Anu Mallik: Hi Sexy Hellooooo Sexy...Listen Sexy watchH you doing tonite ??? 




Alisha Chinoy: O Shut up 
Anu Mallik: Hey come on lets have dinner ok ??? 
Alisha Chinoyi: With you ???? F - O 
Anu Mallik: Whatttttt? 
Alisha Chinoy: i mean F on a O (ting ting ting... Drums) no no  
नीली नीली आन्खेइ मेरी में क्या करू?
गोरे गोरे गाल मेरे में क्या करू ? 
होठ मेरे लाल लाल में क्या करू? 
काले काले बाल मेरे में क्या करू? 
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े 


Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 
Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???
Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले
हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???


CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले?
Alisha Chinai: माना में हु सेक्सी very सेक्सी ऊह ला ला Sorry sorry दिल पे मेरे लग चूका ताला
मामा मिया अल्लाह अल्लाह ये क्या किया


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa


Alisha Chinoy: मुझ को beautiful बना के tension क्यू दिया???


CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya याआआआआ


Alisha chinoy: साला में तो पागल हो गयी इतनी Sexy होकर
अपनी हे जवानी से अब लगता है डर
चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 

Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???

Alisha Chinoy: Oooh la la

A B C D 1 2 3 4 we'll be winking Jack and GIll

जहा भी जाऊ जिधर भी जाऊ लड़के मांगे मेरा दिल

BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के

CHORUS: BOYS BOYS BOYS ये पागल लड़के, दिल के है रजा पर जेब से कड़के

Alisha Chinoy: रोज़ हे आते है मुझको शादी के ऑफर

Rolls Royce देते है मुझको Darling BIg show पर

BOMBSHELL BOMBSHELL बोले सब बोले किशमिश

Itallian, Chinese oooh whadaa DISH???

Million DOllars Smile मेरी सब ये कहते है

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: अरे उप्पर से नीचे मुझको देखा करते है!!

CHORUS: yai yai yai yai yai yaa ya yaaaaaaaaaa

Alisha Chinoy: आशिक मुझको ख़त me लिखते है होतो पर बेबाक

तेरे लिए अपनी बीवी को दे दू तलाक

चेहरा में ले जाऊ कहा हुस्न को छुपाऊ कहा रोमीओ हज़ार आगे पीछे दौड़े

Anu Mallik: Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy Sexy 

Alisha Chinoy: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

ओ Sexy Sexy Sexy मुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू बोले ???

CHORUS: Sexy Sexy Sexy तुझे लोग बोले

हाय सेक्सी हेल्लो सेक्सी क्यू न बोले ???

how bollywood has changed over the years... part 1

Winds of change

Bollywood has undergone some serious revival and in the words of the world has become BOLD; Bold in the sense now they show a kiss as a kiss without reason but still, they show Indian chicks in actual bikinis and not trunks and banyans like they earlier did, Also they even talk about SEX like a word you can use on screen and not feel the burden of betraying morality, Good amount of movies also show love making scenes at least so you should guess from the expressions on the womans face which says either “Retake Please” Or  “Mr. Director no retake on this on please”. Our hunks try too hard onscreen.

 The lip locking bug that stung bollywood since the last 4-5 years, has fostered in an era of liberation for artists so every time there is a conscious effort to make the script demand a lip locking scene irrespective of what’s happening in the background. If only Raj Kapoor lived to see this day, Hugh Hefner would have been less popular besides battling a hostile takeover of his playboy empire by a Desi Playboy. Coming back to the lip locking here’s a coincidence I cannot miss, both Lord Kisser and Lady Kisser of our generation have ape like Jaw lines: Imraan Hashmi and Mallika Sherawat, So Murder the movie was More like Brother Sister from a different mother in bed together . Not nice, our culture does not approve but then they only protest the art of obscenity.

Now to the Bikini, after Raj Kapoor a couple of decades missed the aesthetics of swim wear especially the bikini. Attempts were made to somehow get women in swim suits so the late 80’s to early 90’s ensured every actresses’ debut had her showing some skin usually in the boring one piece swim suit the trend then was to grab the lime light and next time on make the same thing pricy. Much similar to how software companies today give free trials and then make you pay a bomb. Anyways coming back on track women have grown from voluptuous to slim so swim wear has moved from covering to now blending. All pre release rumours and hoards of stories do rounds of channels and tabloids of the love making scenes and how a particular actress has very comfortably executed the script. What they don’t tell you is what you don’t want to see, like, when Mallika Sherawat Starrer Khwaish was due for release all campaigns yelled the 14 odd kissing scenes, for this I so wanted to watch the film, what the campaigns dint tell is, I’d have to see Himanshu Mallik in Underwear also,

that is something I wouldn’t want to do at gunpoint; Still Five stars for Marketing. When tashann was due for release the idea of seeing kareena kapoor in a bikini send goose bumps to atleast half a billion Indians, but when they movie released the anorexia pretty much killed the excitement.

In almost all movies released in the last couple of years Kissing scenes and Bikini clad chicks make headlines before they crystallise on the release dates, now a day’s even political wings have stopped protesting, Nobody can afford malls and multiplexes running out of business.

Beyond chicks bollywood has become bold when it comes to Pakistan, After Border they’ve shown a neighbouring hostile nation as Pakistan unlike tehelka (1992) when the neighbouring hostile nation was a small hamlet called DONGRILLA ruled by a dictator called DONG whose commanders conversed with each other with one party raising the right hand to say BOM CHICK BOM BOM and the other with the same enthusiasm replied by LONG LIVE DONG.

To be continued................